THE SEARCHING FOR AND REMOVAL OF THE HAMETZ
LARRY WATCHES AS HIS MANAGER AND BEST FRIEND, JEFF GREENE, AND JEFF’S WIFE, SUSIE, EAGERLY SEARCH FOR HAMETZ AROUND THEIR HOUSE.
LARRY DAVID
What is this? What are you guys doing?
SUSIE GREENE
What do you mean, what are we doing? We’re searching for Hametz?
LARRY DAVID
Since when do you care about Hametz? I’ve gone to Italian restaurants with you the night after Seders?
SUSIE GREENE
That was before Rabbi Rebecca and her Center and most importantly…
JEFF GREENE
Hashem.
LARRY DAVID
No! Not you two, too.
SUSIE GREENE
It’s a miracle, Lar. We’ve tried couples therapy. With the most expensive psychologists in this city. For years. Decades. And nothing ever worked. But the last month of daily workshops at Rabbi Rebecca’s Center and…
LARRY DAVID
What? She’s healed everything?
SUSIE GREENE
Not her. Hashem did. Including my fibromyalgia.
JEFF GREENE
It’s true. And I lost eighteen pounds. Chai!
LARRY LOOKS INCREDULOUSLY AT JEFF.
LARRY DAVID
Jeff, are you hametzing serious with this hametz?
JEFF GREENE
Yes. I am. And we are. And could you please stop using that bad language?
LARRY DAVID
What bad language? Hametz? I can’t say hametz anymore? You’re not saying hametzing hametz anymore?
JEFF GREENE
At least not for Passover.
LARRY DAVID
Why?
JEFF GREENE
Along with physical Hametz, all leavened bread. We’re also clearing away all spiritual Hametz.
LARRY DAVID
What the hametz is spiritual Hametz?
SUSIE GREENE
What is there not to get? It’s all that mishegas in your head. We have to sweep up all that sick mishegas in that sick head of yours, Larry! That sick mind, body, and soul. Sweep up all the sick mishegas in it. And burn it!
LARRY DAVID
Burn it?!
SUSIE GREENE
Burn it.
JEFF GREENE
Should we say the prayer?
SUSIE GREENE
Yes, let’s say the prayer.
EVERYONE:
Baruch atah Ad-nai, Eloheinu Melech ha’olam, asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu al biur Hametz.
Praised are You, our G-d, who blesses us and instructs us to remove Hametz.
LARRY DAVID
This whole thing sounds like mishegas to me.
