Haggadot Contributors

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God had to step in and visited ten terrible plagues upon Egypt. They were: Gender Neutral Bathrooms Tuition-Free Public College Paid Family Leave Sensible Gun Control $15.00 Federal Minimum Wage Internet Privacy Carbon Tax Dodd-Frank Campaign Finance Reform Universal Health Care Egyptians suffered greatly during these plagues. Everyone was getting the same opportunities. Pharaoh couldn’t handle it. After each plague, Pharaoh agreed to let the Jews go. But once the plague disappeared he’d tweet: “FAKE NEWS got it wrong again —...

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REJECTED BEN & JERRY’S PASSOVER FLAVORS ALEX BERNSTEIN Why is this ice cream different from all other ice creams? Bread O’ Affliction! – Sure, we wanted to use real bread, but who has the time?! Hillel Sandwich – Made from the old Rebbe’s secret recipe! Where’s Elijah when ya need him?! Burn Bush Burn! – Our spiciest ice cream peppered with Red Hots! You’ll never quite consume it! Two Plagues Twisted! – Boils and locusts swirled together with a rich Red...

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THE ABCs OF PASSOVER LAUREN KRUEGER AND MATTHEW DAVID BROZIK           A is for April, when Passover’s here!           (Unless it’s in some other month of the year.) B is for Boils, Beasts, Blackout, and Blood. Dinner conversation never had it so good! C is for Challah — egg bread: you can’t beat it! And during this holiday, nor can you eat it. D is for Drinking: four full cups of wine. Required — a mitzvah! (Or grape juice, it’s fine.) E is...

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Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom.

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I would like to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world.  A fairer world.  A world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves.  And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently.  We must also raise our sons differently..

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Freedom gives us the power to choose how to live our lives, which foods to eat, which clothes to wear,  which schools to attend,  which friends to make. Thousands of years ago, the Jewish people didn't know that joyous feeling we call freedom.  They were slaves in Egypt crying out to be free. Imagine a narrow prison cell, so tiny that our stretched out arms touch the sides, and we have to sit huddled up, knees bent, in a tight ball.  ...

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What part of Passover do pirates love the most? The sed arrrrrrr Why do we have a Haggadah at Passover? So we can seder right words What's the best cheese to eat on Passover? Matza-rella

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no one leaves home unless home is the mouth of a shark. you only run for the border when you see the whole city running as well. no one would leave home unless home chased you, fire under feet, hot blood in your belly. it's not something you ever thought about doing, and so when you did - you carried the anthem under your breath, waiting until the airport toilet to tear up the passport and swallow, each mouthful of paper...

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I would like to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world.  A fairer world.  A world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves.  And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently.  We must also raise our sons differently. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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UGLY Your daughter is ugly. She knows loss intimately, carries whole cities in her belly.   As a child, relatives wouldn’t hold her. She was splintered wood and sea water. They said she reminded them of the war.    On her fifteenth birthday you taught her how to tie her hair like rope  and smoke it over burning frankincense.   You made her gargle rosewater and while she coughed, said macaanto girls like you shouldn’t smell of lonely or empty.   You are her mother....

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Postscript—to those of you who are wondering if Marcos is homosexual, Marcos is a gay person in San Francisco, a black person in south Africa, an Asian person in Europe, a Chicano in San Isidro, an anarchist in Spain, an indigenous person in the streets of San Cristobal, a gang member in Neza, a rocker in the Former Soviet Union, a Jew in Germany, an ombudsman in Sedena, a feminist in a political party, a Communist in the post Cold War,...

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May the lives of those who have died so that we may be free be a sacred memorial for all of us.  May they always be remembered.  May the time come when all shall live in peace and harmony. May it be a year of peace and love for all.