Haggadot Contributors

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God had to step in and visited ten terrible plagues upon Egypt. They were: Gender Neutral Bathrooms Tuition-Free Public College Paid Family Leave Sensible Gun Control $15.00 Federal Minimum Wage Internet Privacy Carbon Tax Dodd-Frank Campaign Finance Reform Universal Health Care Egyptians suffered greatly during these plagues. Everyone was getting the same opportunities. Pharaoh couldn’t handle it. After each plague, Pharaoh agreed to let the Jews go. But once the plague disappeared he’d tweet: “FAKE NEWS got it wrong again —...

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REJECTED BEN & JERRY’S PASSOVER FLAVORS ALEX BERNSTEIN Why is this ice cream different from all other ice creams? Bread O’ Affliction! – Sure, we wanted to use real bread, but who has the time?! Hillel Sandwich – Made from the old Rebbe’s secret recipe! Where’s Elijah when ya need him?! Burn Bush Burn! – Our spiciest ice cream peppered with Red Hots! You’ll never quite consume it! Two Plagues Twisted! – Boils and locusts swirled together with a rich Red...

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THE ABCs OF PASSOVER LAUREN KRUEGER AND MATTHEW DAVID BROZIK           A is for April, when Passover’s here!           (Unless it’s in some other month of the year.) B is for Boils, Beasts, Blackout, and Blood. Dinner conversation never had it so good! C is for Challah — egg bread: you can’t beat it! And during this holiday, nor can you eat it. D is for Drinking: four full cups of wine. Required — a mitzvah! (Or grape juice, it’s fine.) E is...

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Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom.

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I would like to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world.  A fairer world.  A world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves.  And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently.  We must also raise our sons differently..

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Freedom gives us the power to choose how to live our lives, which foods to eat, which clothes to wear,  which schools to attend,  which friends to make. Thousands of years ago, the Jewish people didn't know that joyous feeling we call freedom.  They were slaves in Egypt crying out to be free. Imagine a narrow prison cell, so tiny that our stretched out arms touch the sides, and we have to sit huddled up, knees bent, in a tight ball.  ...

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What part of Passover do pirates love the most? The sed arrrrrrr Why do we have a Haggadah at Passover? So we can seder right words What's the best cheese to eat on Passover? Matza-rella

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no one leaves home unless home is the mouth of a shark. you only run for the border when you see the whole city running as well. no one would leave home unless home chased you, fire under feet, hot blood in your belly. it's not something you ever thought about doing, and so when you did - you carried the anthem under your breath, waiting until the airport toilet to tear up the passport and swallow, each mouthful of paper...

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I would like to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world.  A fairer world.  A world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves.  And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently.  We must also raise our sons differently. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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UGLY Your daughter is ugly. She knows loss intimately, carries whole cities in her belly.   As a child, relatives wouldn’t hold her. She was splintered wood and sea water. They said she reminded them of the war.    On her fifteenth birthday you taught her how to tie her hair like rope  and smoke it over burning frankincense.   You made her gargle rosewater and while she coughed, saidmacaanto girls like you shouldn’t smellof lonely or empty.   You are her mother. Why did...

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Postscript—to those of you who are wondering if Marcos is homosexual, Marcos is a gay person in San Francisco, a black person in south Africa, an Asian person in Europe, a Chicano in San Isidro, an anarchist in Spain, an indigenous person in the streets of San Cristobal, a gang member in Neza, a rocker in the Former Soviet Union, a Jew in Germany, an ombudsman in Sedena, a feminist in a political party, a Communist in the post Cold War,...

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May the lives of those who have died so that we may be free be a sacred memorial for all of us.  May they always be remembered.  May the time come when all shall live in peace and harmony. May it be a year of peace and love for all.

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Let us drink our fourth cup of wine to Faith. To Faith!

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It is traditional to fill a cup with wine for the Prophet Elijah. Now let fill Elijah’s cup and open our door to him, to symbolize our freedom of worship and hope that he will enter and bring with him the coming of a more perfect world of justice and joy for all mankind.  Will you please open the door?  

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Now let us drink our third cup of wine to Hope. To Hope!

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Let us drink our second cup of wine to Wisdom and Understanding. To Wisdom and Understanding!

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Leader: Let us retell our story now as we have learned it from biblical history. Reader:  We lived in Egypt and the Pharaoh was gracious to us. Reader:  But after some years a new Pharaoh arose who bound us into slavery and laid hard labor on us. Reader:  The Pharaoh was afraid that we might multiply and rise up against him so he ordered that every newborn son of ours be cast into the Nile. Reader:  One such child was hidden...

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Life is like a mountain railroad With an engineer that's brave We must make the run successful From the cradle to the grave.

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In recounting our story, let us consider that we tell it to four children, one wise, one simple, one wicked and one innocent. The wise child asks: How can I learn more about our people?  To that child you shall direct our wealth of literature so that they may seek out this knowledge for themself. The simple child asks: What is this all about?  To that child you shall say simply , because we had faith we were redeemed from slavery....

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Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom.

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Give me the liberty to know, to utter and to argue freely according to conscience and above all liberation.

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While holding up the three pieces matzo: This is the bread of affliction which our ancestors ate in Egypt.  Let all who are hungry come in and eat, let all who are need come and share this food. The middle piece is broken and wrapped: This is the Afikomen which is the Greek word for dessert.  Because the taste of matzo should remain with us at the end of the meal, I am hiding it and whomever finds it will return...

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Please join me in the blessing over the wine: Blessed art thou who has created the fruit of the vine. Barech atah adonai, elohanu melach haolam, borei pree hagafen. Let us drink our in a toast to Freedom! To Freedom!!!

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To everything there is a season and a time. Today is a time for many feelings. Today we weep as we recount the suffering of our ancestors and we laugh at their deliverance. We mourn the innocent victims of cruelty and persecution, but our hears dance with price in their valiant struggle for liberty. Today we tell again the story of the Exodus from Egypt, but we are silent with wonder at the events. Today is a time to look backward,...

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Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom. Albert Einstein

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All:  In the meantime I must uphold my ideals for perhaps the time will come when I shall be able to carry them out.  Anne Frank

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All:  The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress.  Frederick Douglas

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All:  We have to keep in mind at all times that we are not fighting for integration, nor are we fighting for separation.  We are fighting for recognition as human beings.  We are fighting for the right to live as free human beings in this society.  In fact we are fighting for rights that are even greater than civil rights and that is human rights.   Malcolm speaks