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Lisa Gitelson


    • RECENT haggadahs
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  • RECENT clips
  • RECENT haggadahs
  • SAVED clips
  • COLLABORATORS
-- Ten Plagues

Trump's Ten Plagues

by Lisa Gitelson

God had to step in and visited ten terrible plagues upon Egypt. They were: Gender Neutral Bathrooms Tuition-Free Public College Paid Family Leave Sensible Gun Control $15.00 Federal Minimum Wage Internet Privacy Carbon Tax Dodd-Frank Campaign Finance Reform Universal Health Care Egyptians suffered greatly during these plagues. Everyone was getting the same opportunities. Pharaoh couldn’t handle it. After each plague, Pharaoh agreed to let the Jews go. But once the plague disappeared he’d tweet: “FAKE NEWS got it wrong again —...

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Conclusion

Ben & Jerry's Rejected Passover Flavors

by Lisa Gitelson

REJECTED BEN & JERRY’S PASSOVER FLAVORS ALEX BERNSTEIN Why is this ice cream different from all other ice creams? Bread O’ Affliction! – Sure, we wanted to use real bread, but who has the time?! Hillel Sandwich – Made from the old Rebbe’s secret recipe! Where’s Elijah when ya need him?! Burn Bush Burn! – Our spiciest ice cream peppered with Red Hots! You’ll never quite consume it! Two Plagues Twisted! – Boils and locusts swirled together with a rich Red...

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Introduction

ABCs of Passover

by Lisa Gitelson

THE ABCs OF PASSOVER LAUREN KRUEGER AND MATTHEW DAVID BROZIK           A is for April, when Passover’s here!           (Unless it’s in some other month of the year.) B is for Boils, Beasts, Blackout, and Blood. Dinner conversation never had it so good! C is for Challah — egg bread: you can’t beat it! And during this holiday, nor can you eat it. D is for Drinking: four full cups of wine. Required — a mitzvah! (Or grape juice, it’s fine.) E is...

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-- Four Children

Albert Einstein

by Lisa Gitelson

Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom.

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-- Four Children

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

by Lisa Gitelson

I would like to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world.  A fairer world.  A world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves.  And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently.  We must also raise our sons differently..

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Introduction

Introduction

by Lisa Gitelson

Freedom gives us the power to choose how to live our lives, which foods to eat, which clothes to wear,  which schools to attend,  which friends to make. Thousands of years ago, the Jewish people didn't know that joyous feeling we call freedom.  They were slaves in Egypt crying out to be free. Imagine a narrow prison cell, so tiny that our stretched out arms touch the sides, and we have to sit huddled up, knees bent, in a tight ball.  ...

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Commentary / Readings

Punny/Bad Passover Jokes

by Lisa Gitelson

What part of Passover do pirates love the most? The sed arrrrrrr Why do we have a Haggadah at Passover? So we can seder right words What's the best cheese to eat on Passover? Matza-rella

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-- Cup #2 & Dayenu

Home by Warsan Shire

by Lisa Gitelson

no one leaves home unless home is the mouth of a shark. you only run for the border when you see the whole city running as well. no one would leave home unless home chased you, fire under feet, hot blood in your belly. it's not something you ever thought about doing, and so when you did - you carried the anthem under your breath, waiting until the airport toilet to tear up the passport and swallow, each mouthful of paper...

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-- Four Children

We Should All Be Feminists

by Lisa Gitelson

I would like to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world.  A fairer world.  A world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves.  And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently.  We must also raise our sons differently. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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Hallel

Warsan Shire

by Lisa Gitelson

UGLY Your daughter is ugly. She knows loss intimately, carries whole cities in her belly.   As a child, relatives wouldn’t hold her. She was splintered wood and sea water. They said she reminded them of the war.    On her fifteenth birthday you taught her how to tie her hair like rope  and smoke it over burning frankincense.   You made her gargle rosewater and while she coughed, said macaanto girls like you shouldn’t smell of lonely or empty.   You are her mother....

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Conclusion

Subcomandante Marcos, Chiapas, Mexico

by Lisa Gitelson

Postscript—to those of you who are wondering if Marcos is homosexual, Marcos is a gay person in San Francisco, a black person in south Africa, an Asian person in Europe, a Chicano in San Isidro, an anarchist in Spain, an indigenous person in the streets of San Cristobal, a gang member in Neza, a rocker in the Former Soviet Union, a Jew in Germany, an ombudsman in Sedena, a feminist in a political party, a Communist in the post Cold War,...

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Conclusion

Conclusion

by Lisa Gitelson

May the lives of those who have died so that we may be free be a sacred memorial for all of us.  May they always be remembered.  May the time come when all shall live in peace and harmony. May it be a year of peace and love for all.

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Hallel

Fourth Cup of Wine

by Lisa Gitelson

Let us drink our fourth cup of wine to Faith. To Faith!

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Hallel

Elijah's Cup

by Lisa Gitelson

It is traditional to fill a cup with wine for the Prophet Elijah. Now let fill Elijah’s cup and open our door to him, to symbolize our freedom of worship and hope that he will enter and bring with him the coming of a more perfect world of justice and joy for all mankind.  Will you please open the door?  

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Bareich

Third Cup of Wine

by Lisa Gitelson

Now let us drink our third cup of wine to Hope. To Hope!

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-- Cup #2 & Dayenu

Second Cup

by Lisa Gitelson

Let us drink our second cup of wine to Wisdom and Understanding. To Wisdom and Understanding!

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-- Exodus Story

The Passover Story

by Lisa Gitelson

Leader: Let us retell our story now as we have learned it from biblical history. Reader:  We lived in Egypt and the Pharaoh was gracious to us. Reader:  But after some years a new Pharaoh arose who bound us into slavery and laid hard labor on us. Reader:  The Pharaoh was afraid that we might multiply and rise up against him so he ordered that every newborn son of ours be cast into the Nile. Reader:  One such child was hidden...

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-- Four Children

Richard Wright, Native Son

by Lisa Gitelson

Life is like a mountain railroad With an engineer that's brave We must make the run successful From the cradle to the grave.

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Freedom Haggadah

Freedom Haggadah

by Lisa Gitelson
FREEDOM
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Freedom Haggadah


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Passover 2020

Passover 2020

by Lisa Gitelson
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Passover 2020


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Songs

The Eight Nights of Passover

by Rabbi Barry Dov Lerner

(To the tune of 'The Twelve Days”)   On the first night of Passover my mother served to me 1)  a matzo ball in chicken soup 2)  two dipped herbs 3)  three pieces of matzah 4)  four cups of wine 5)  five gefilte fish 6)  six capons baking 7)  seven eggs a boiling 8)  eight briskets roastin

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Introduction

Introduction

by g

Introduction

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Introduction

Human Rights Quote

by Leigh Brosof

Come, let us gather as one, bound together by love and the shared hope that all Jews, and all people, will one day live free and in peace. Together, let us recall the story of Passover, relived time and again by Jews throughout the world. As we move through the Seder, reaffirming our belief in a faith so rich in history and life, may we take into our hearts the memory of all who have and continue to enrich our lives...

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Bareich

Social Justice Blessing

by Haggadot

Social Justice Blessing

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-- Ten Plagues

Heschel Quote

by Haggadot

Heschel Quote

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Commentary / Readings

I Have a Dream

by Sam Gringlas

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the...

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Songs

Songs

by Dalya Romaner

My Favorite Things  [Sung to the tune of "These are a few of my favorite things"] Cleaning and cooking and so many dishes Out with the hametz, no pasta, no knishes Fish that's gefilted, horseradish that stings These are a few of our Passover things.  Matzoh and karpas and chopped up haroset  Shankbones and Kiddish and Yiddish neuroses  Tante who kvetches and uncle who sings  These are a few of our Passover things.  Motzi and maror and trouble with Pharoahs  Famines...

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-- Exodus Story

Heschel on Selma

by Haggadot

Heschel on Selma

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Introduction

The Seder Plate

by Jill Maller-Kesselman

The Seder Plate

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Conclusion

JEW CANDY!

by Sarah Ginsberg

JEW CANDY!

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