Skit - Pharaoh and Moses Go To A Conflict Counselor

Haggadah Section: -- Ten Plagues

Pharaoh and Moses Go To A Conflict Counselor

by Dave Cowen

Conflict Counselor
So what brings you two in today?

Honestly, things have been pretty rough.

Conflict Counselor
Moses, would you say that’s true?

I’d say it’s been rough but it doesn’t have to be anymore.

I just don’t understand, you really don’t want to be my slaves anymore?

No, we don’t.

Conflict Counselor
Pharaoh, what does it feel like to hear Moses say he and his people don’t want to be your slaves anymore?

You know, it really hurts. I feel like we’ve done some beautiful things together. I mean, we couldn’t have built these pyramids if you weren’t our slaves. And those pyramids wouldn’t be a wonder of the world for years to come if it wasn’t for what we built together.

But now it’s time for us to go.

But I think there’s so much more we could still be and do together. We could keep building wonders of the world. We could build a Great Wall or a Hanging Gardens. We could build a Great Library. There’s a site in Alexandria that I think would be perfect for a Great Library.

But me and my people don’t want to do those things. We want to go to our homeland of Israel

Ugh. This homeland. Always with this homeland. You think life’s going to be so much better in this magical homeland? Well, I doubt it.

It’s got to be better than this.

Conflict Counselor
Moses, what happens for you when Pharaoh disregards your wish to go to Israel?

It’s more what happens to him. G-d’s going to keep plaguing him and his people.

It’s the worst. First the water turned to blood. Then there were frogs and locusts. And so many other things. So many things.

And yet you keep resisting what He’s telling you, which is that our relationship is over.

Conflict Counselor
Why do you keep resisting, Pharaoh?

My heart, it just feels hardened.

Conflict Counselor
Why do you think that is?

Well, I think I saw Moses’s relatives Jacob and Joseph getting along so well with my Dad, the previous Pharaoh, all those years, and honestly, I feel jealous. Like, why can’t I have that with the Jews, too?

Conflict Counselor
And yet, you have the exact opposite.

It’s true.

Conflict Counselor
Sometimes the best way to love someone is to let them go, Pharaoh.

This is your last chance. You saw what G-d just did to the first born.

Conflict Counselor
So what will you do, Pharaoh, will you let Moses and his people go?

OK, Fine, fine, whatever, fine, OK, sure.

Conflict Counselor
That didn’t sound very sure.

I’m sure. I am. I’m sure. Just go. Just go.

Conflict Counselor

And you won’t change your mind?

As of this moment. As of this moment, I can promise I won’t change my mind.

Conflict Counselor
Moses, what would happen if Pharaoh changes his mind again?

I don’t know. But I don’t think he wants to find out.

So this concludes our counseling?

Conflict Counselor
I guess it does. If you think this is a real sea change for you, Pharaoh. Do you agree, Pharaoh, that this a real sea change for you?

I believe it is.

Conflict Counselor
Do you agree, Moses?

We’ll see what happens to the sea.

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Table of contents
  • Passover 2020 Introduction
  • Seder Guests...
  • The Seder Plate - Coloring Page
  • Jerry Seinfeld's Passover Stand-Up Introduction - The Yada Yada Haggadah
  • Blessing on Flowers
  • A Secular Humanistic Passover Blessing
  • Phrases
  • Greetings
  • Building Your Mental Health Passover Seder Plate
  • A Poem For The Disappointed
  • Passover Themes Meaningful to Interfaith Families
    • Commentary / Readings
  • 20 Table Topics for Your Passover Seder
  • The Ethical Problem of Hardening Pharaoh's Heart
  • Anne Frank Quote
  • A "Fifth" Cup for Justice
    • Kadesh
  • Why Four Cups of Wine
  • Kaddesh
  • Sanctification - Kiddush
    • Urchatz
  • 2020 Seder Order
  • Blessing For Hand Washing During a Pandemic
  • Hand Washing Coloring Page
  • A Priestess’s Prayer Under Quarantine
    • Karpas
  • Karpas - The Yada Yada Haggadah
    • Yachatz
  • Afikoman Auction
  • The Strangers in Our Midst
  • The Afflicted Matza
  • Song - Don't sit on the Afikomen
    • Maggid - Beginning
  • Michael Walzer, Exodus and Revolution
  • A Historical Perspective
  • Healthy Debate: How This Night Can Be Different
    • -- Four Questions
  • Hunger Seder: Four Questions
  • Four Questions
  • Four Questions in Judeo-Persian/Farsi (Transliterated)
    • -- Four Children
  • The Four Adults
  • Why This Night: Four Children and Five Rabbis
  • The Four Children Approach the Future
    • -- Exodus Story
  • Personal Mitzrayim
  • Donald Trump Tells The Exodus Story - The Trump Passover Haggadah
  • Let My People Go (song)
  • First Proposed Seal of the United States
    • -- Ten Plagues
  • Skit - Pharaoh and Moses Go To A Conflict Counselor
  • The Modern Plagues
  • Dom, Dom
    • -- Cup #2 & Dayenu
  • Dayenu
  • Maroon 5/Adam Levine - "Memories (The 2nd Cup Parody Song)"
  • Dayenu for a pandemic
    • Rachtzah
  • Rachtzah: A Deeper Washing
  • Barriers to Love
  • Bring, Deliver, Redeem, Take: Principles of Adulthood
    • Motzi-Matzah
  • No Pasta more Matzah
  • An Ode to Bread
    • Maror
  • Have Yourself a Piece of Bitter Maror
    • Koreich
  • Charoset Chanina (“Charoset of Clemency”)
    • Songs
  • Sweet Charoset - parody song
  • Our Passover Things (Sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things")
    • Shulchan Oreich
  • Let's Eat!
  • If It Ain't Broke...
    • Bareich
  • Barech – Invitation to Gratitude
  • Ruth's Cup: A New Passover Ritual Celebrating Jewish Diversity
  • Miriam's Cup by Miriam Jerris
    • Hallel
  • Welcoming Others
  • Adrienne Rich on Freedom
  • The Promised Land
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  • Just to be is a blessing...
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