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Well, it's just after eight o'clock, and time for to open the door for Elijah's penguin. (Participant opens the door and in comes a penguin. The penguin explodes.)

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To help us remember the story of the first Passover, we have assembled various symbolic foods on a Seder plate. There's egg and spam; shankbone and spam; greens and spam, bitter herbs and spam, charoses and spam, and spam, and spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam matzoh and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam... Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!  But I can't eat spam, it's not kosher! 

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It's time to eat dinner before finishing the rest of the Haggadah.  While eating dinner, make sure to defend yourself against the possibility that the person to your right will attack you with a banana.  

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Narrator:  We conclude tonight's program with the question, 'Is there life after death?'. And here to discuss this question are three dead people.  The late Pharaoh Ramses, former ruler of the kingdom of Egypt, circa 1400 BCE; the late Moshe ben Amram, tribal spokesperson and record holder for longest road trip across the wilderness; and putting forward the view of the Powers that Be, the prophet Elijah the Gileadite. Gentlemen, is there life after death or not? (Prolonged silence) Well there...

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The children are sent out of the room to find the Afikomen.  They return, shouting: Children:  An afikomen! An afikomen! An afikomen! We've got an afikomen!: We have found an afikomen, may we eat it?  Father:     Eat it! Eat!  Mother:    How do you know it is an afikomen? Children:  It looks like one. It has warts on it.  And it turned me into a newt!

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Scene 1:  In the Desert  Moses is galloping (skipping on foot while clopping coconuts together to sound like hoofbeats) across the desert. He comes to a burning bush. Bush: Halt! Who goes there! Moses: A shrubbery! A talking shrubbery! One that looks nice, but is not too expensive. It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly. Bush: Moses! Moses, Leader of the Israelites!  (Moses looks stunned, drops to his knees in awe and bows his head to the ground...

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Setting: A dusty street in an small Egyptian city. Moses: It's time to ask the five questions. Aaron: Four, sir! It's FOUR questions. Moses: Right. Thou shalt ask four. No more. No less. Four shall be the number thou shalt ask, and the number of the asking shall be four. Five shalt thou not ask, nor either ask thou three, excepting that thou then proceed to four. Enter King Arthur and the Black Knight. King Arthur fights the Black Knight. First...

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Well, it's just after eight o'clock, and time for to open the door for Elijah's penguin. (Participant opens the door and in comes a penguin. The penguin explodes.)

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Scene 1:  In the Desert  Moses is galloping (skipping on foot while clopping coconuts together to sound like hoofbeats) across the desert. He comes to a burning bush. Bush: Halt! Who goes there! Moses: A shrubbery! A talking shrubbery! One that looks nice, but is not too expensive. It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly. Bush: Moses! Moses, Leader of the Israelites!  (Moses looks stunned, drops to his knees in awe and bows his head to the ground...