A Jew took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. Shortly thereafter a blind man came by and sat down next to him.
Feeling neighborly, the Jew offered a sheet of matzoh to the blind man.
The blind man ran his fingers over the matzoh for a minute, and exclaimed, "Who wrote this?"
It seems a group of leading medical people have published data that indicates that seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It is indicated that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.
At our seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzoth, fortified with Metamucil. The brand name, of course, is "Let My People Go."
Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews?
A: Filet minyan
Q: If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a tool box, what does a mohel carry?
A: A Bris-kit!
From Shouts and Murmurs in the New Yorker, 4-14-11:
YOUNGEST CHILD: How is this night different from all other nights?
FATHER: Because on this night we tell the story of our escape from Egypt.
YOUNGEST CHILD: How is this night different from Easter?
FATHER: It is worse.
YOUNGEST CHILD: Why do we go through the motions of this ritual year after year, even though some of us doubt God’s existence?
FATHER: Because your grandmother is still alive.
YOUNGEST CHILD: Why on this night does the mother-in-law say that the brisket her son’s wife cooked is dry when it is fine?
FATHER: Because she resents the fact that she cannot legally marry her son, the doctor.
YOUNGEST CHILD: Why, if Israel is so great, have we never gone there?
FATHER: It is not great. We are scared to go there.
OLDEST DAUGHTER: When can I get a nose job?
FATHER: Ninety days before college. That is how long it takes for the bandages to come off.
FATHER: Has everyone here seen “Blazing Saddles”?
ALL: Yes, we have seen it.
FATHER: Do you remember the beans scene? That is the greatest scene.
ALL: Yes, we remember it.
FATHER: Does it get any better than Billy Joel?
YOUNGEST CHILD: Why do we subscribe to the Forward?
FATHER: We do not subscribe. They found us.
YOUNGEST CHILD: Can we please just eat already?
Haggadot.com is a project of Custom & Craft Jewish Rituals, Inc (EIN: 82-4765805), a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt California public benefit corporation. Your gift is tax deductible to the extent allowed by law.
Anyone you invite to collaborate with you will see everything posted to this haggadah and will have full access to edit clips.
You will not be able to recover your
Are you sure you want to delete it?