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"body": "<ul><li>Were slaves, now free. Seder!</li>\n<li>Seder plate? Stuff.</li>\n<li>Wine!</li>\n<li>Why is this night?</li>\n<li>Why is this child?</li>\n<li>PLAGUES! Dayeinu!</li>\n<li>Wine!</li>\n<li>Matzah, Maror, Charoset</li>\n<li>Let’s eat!</li>\n<li>Afikoman?</li>\n<li>Wine!</li>\n<li>Elijah.</li>\n<li>Wine!</li>\n<li>Singing.</li>\n<li>Next year in Jerusalem!</li>\n</ul>",
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"covertext": "We were slaves in Egypt, now we are free. Let’s have a Seder! \tWhat’s on the Seder plate? Egg, herbs, bone, greens, char...",
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"covertext": "Why does this sound familiar? Nearly all Jewish holidays: They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat! What's with al...",
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"body": "<p><strong>Why does this sound familiar? </strong><br />\nNearly all Jewish holidays: They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat!</p>\n\n<p><strong>What's with all the questions? </strong><br />\n“In addition to celebrating the <em>freedom</em> to ask, in itself one of Judaism's revolutionary contributions to religion, on this night we focus on the <em>importance</em> of inquiry. In Judaism, not only are questions tolerated, they are encouraged... Not only does Judaism tolerate and encourage questions, it sanctifies them!”<br />\n<em>—</em>Rabbi Mendel Kalmenson</p>\n\n<p><strong>How do I pronounce 'charoset'? </strong><br />\nThe transliterated 'ch' is easiest pronounced as a deep 'h' like in 'happiness', never like the 'ch' in 'cheese'</p>\n\n<p><strong>What is this 'Afikoman' word? </strong><br />\nFrom the Greek <em>epikomion </em> [επί Κομός] 'after-dinner revelry.'</p>\n",
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"covertext": "Seder! Wine! Why? Plagues! Let’s eat! Next year in Jerusalem!",
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"body": "<ul><li>Seder!</li>\n<li>Wine!</li>\n<li>Why?</li>\n<li>Plagues!</li>\n<li>Let’s eat!</li>\n<li>Next year in Jerusalem!</li>\n</ul>",
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"title": "The Passover Seder ('Order')",
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"covertext": "Kadesh Urchatz Karpas Yachatz Maggid Rachtza Motzi Matzah Maror Korech Shulchan Orech Tzafun Barech Hallel Nirtzah",
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"body": "<p>Kadesh<br />\nUrchatz<br />\nKarpas<br />\nYachatz</p>\n\n<p>Maggid<br />\nRachtza<br />\nMotzi Matzah</p>\n\n<p>Maror<br />\nKorech<br />\nShulchan Orech</p>\n\n<p>Tzafun<br />\nBarech<br />\nHallel<br />\nNirtzah</p>\n",
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"covertext": "Kadesh Kiddush, sanctification with wine. Urchatz Washing hands. Karpas Sanctifying and dipping the parsley. Yachatz Bre...",
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"body": "<p><strong>Kadesh </strong>Kiddush, sanctification with wine.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Urchatz </strong>Washing hands.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Karpas </strong>Sanctifying and dipping the parsley.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Yachatz </strong>Breaking the middle matzah.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Maggid </strong>Telling the story of Pesach.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Rachtza </strong>Washing hands.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Motzi </strong>Sanctifying the 'bread'.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Matzah </strong>Sanctifying the matzah.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Maror </strong>Sanctifying the bitter herbs.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Korech </strong>Eating a Hillel sandwich.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Shulchan Orech</strong> Eating dinner.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Tzafun</strong> Looking for the afikoman.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Barech</strong> Saying the Birkat HaMazon (grace after meal).</p>\n\n<p><strong>Hallel </strong>Psalms of praise.</p>\n\n<p><strong>Nirtzah </strong>Concluding the Seder.</p>\n",
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"covertext": "The day ends. The earth turns from sunshine to dusk and then to darkness. We assume for ourselves the task of kindling c...",
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"body": "<p>The day ends. The earth turns from sunshine to dusk and then to darkness. We assume for ourselves the task of kindling candles in the night, to enlighten the dark corners of our world. We still live in perilous times. Behind us, though receding into the memories of even the oldest among us, we can still sense the fires of Auschwitz and Hiroshima. Before us, the threat of acts of terrorism and gun violence. We gather tonight to create from fire, not the heat of destruction, but the light of instruction; indeed to see more clearly the wisdom, strength and caring that glows from within each of us.</p>\n\n<p> <em>TOGETHER<strong>: </strong></em> May these candles, lit on the Festival of Freedom, bring light into our hearts and minds. May they renew our courage to act for justice and freedom here and now. May they illumine the path to truth, justice and peace. And so we repeat the ancient blessing:</p>\n\n<p><strong>בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָֽׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּֽנוּ לְהַדְלִיק נֵר שֶׁלְ (שַבָת וְשֶל) יֹום טֹוב</strong></p>\n\n<p>Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, asher kiddishanu b’mitzvotav, v’tzivanu lehadlik neir shel [Shabbat v'shel] Yom Tov.</p>\n\n<p>We praise God, spirit of everything, who has made us distinct through Your directives and has directed us to kindle [the Shabbat and] holiday lights.</p>\n",
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"covertext": "At Passover, we celebrate our freedom, our deliverance from slavery. It seems like a good time to abstain from meat, dai...",
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"body": "<p>At Passover, we celebrate our freedom, our deliverance from slavery. It seems like a good time to abstain from meat, dairy and eggs, since the animals from which those products are derived are treated like slaves, or worse.</p>\n\n<p>Actually, anthropologically speaking, the very motif of slavery comes from animal agriculture. Simply put: Buying and selling living beings, binding them with chains, and branding them with hot irons are all actions that we associate with slavery. And these are all actions that originated in animal agriculture. In modern factory farming, what animals experience is even worse than slavery. We can spare you the details this time around.</p>\n\n<p>We make here a few substitutions to the Seder plate:</p>\n\n<ul>\n\t<li>The shank bone is replaced with a roasted beet.</li>\n\t<li>The egg is replaced with a new potato, flower, avocado pit, or olives.</li>\n</ul>\n",
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The 15-second Seder
Haggadah Section: Introduction
- Were slaves, now free. Seder!
- Seder plate? Stuff.
- Wine!
- Why is this night?
- Why is this child?
- PLAGUES! Dayeinu!
- Wine!
- Matzah, Maror, Charoset
- Let’s eat!
- Afikoman?
- Wine!
- Elijah.
- Wine!
- Singing.
- Next year in Jerusalem!
Source:
Adapted by KNZR from various sources.
Clip Featured in Haggadot'sComedy Seder
Comedy Seder
HA
Haggadot
Table of contentsJerry Seinfeld's Passover Stand-Up Introduction - The Yada Yada Haggadah Matzah Monty Python Haggadah: The Seder Plate I Flee The Sorting Hat of Passover Let's get this party started Courtesy of Beyonceder The 30-second Seder The 15-second Seder Seder Guests... Hametz - Curb Your Haggadah Take Me Out to the Seder Chametz Our Passover Things (Sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things") The Plot of Wonder Woman Meets Chad Gadya Chag Gad Ya Emoji Style Pharoah Pharoah A Whole New World Passover Parody "Jews" (Juice by Lizzo) Sweet Charoset - parody song Take Me Out of Mitzrayim Four Cups of Wine Kadesh: Happy Hour Begins 2020 Seder Order Seinfeld Urchatz - The Yada Yada Haggadah Wash Your Hands song Karpas - The Yada Yada Haggadah Karpas Buzzfeed style quiz Karpas Cocktail Da Dip Afikomen Prize Shalom Sesame: Les Matzarables Afikoman Aim for the Middle Pharaoh Doesn't Pay Song - Don't sit on the Afikomen Skit - The Real Reason We Had Unleavened Bread Moses, Aaron, and Pharaoh A Few of my Favorite Things Dr. Seuss' Four Questions Four Questions Asked in Sarcasm Ma Nishtanah Monty Python Haggadah: Four Questions Four Funny Questions The Good Place - 4 Children Emoji Four children Marx Brothers Four Sons SP - Four Sons Pesah Man (Sing to tune of Piano Man) The Four Sons The Four Sisters Reggae Four Children: No Egypt, No Cry! Let My People Go (song) Exodus story in LEGO Beyonceder - Tell Him Boy Bye Star Wars / Sci-fi Seder Intro Matzah Humor Story of Moses - a memo from Moses to G-d Beyonceder - He Better Call Becky With the Good Hair Skit - The Original Zoom Passover In Pop Culture Skit - Pharaoh and Moses Go To A Conflict Counselor Dom, Dom Death of the Firstborn Alternate Seinfeld Plagues. 50 Ways to Leave Your Pharaoh Top Ten Rejected Plagues FIRST PLAGUE AS REPORTED ON TWITTER Shalom Auslander - Plauged The Ten Plagues Musical "Let it Go" Hamilton Haggadah - Ten Plagues of Egypt Maroon 5/Adam Levine - "Memories (The 2nd Cup Parody Song)" Beyonceder - Let's Get in Formation Dayenu: Behind the Music (A Fictional Origins Story) We're Gonna Sing Dayenu (Sing to tune of We Didn't Start the Fire) dayeinu graph Because we would feel guilty if we didn't Modern Passover An Ode to Bread No Pasta more Matzah Motzi-Matzah DIY Matzoh Baking Flour + Water = Matzah Have Yourself a Piece of Bitter Maror A Joke of a Sandwich Charoset Ice Cream Dr. Mom BLOWS UP Passover (Food) (With Science) Matzah Ball Soup When Messiah Comes Lyrics Les Miselijah Monty Python Haggadah: Elijah's Cup Beyonceder - Next Year in Jerusalem Monty Python Haggadah: Conclusion Monty Python Haggadah: Afikomen Next Year In Jerusalem Meme Ben & Jerry's Rejected Passover Flavors Be Our Guest, Elijah Monty Python Haggadah Humor and hijinks
- Introduction
- Songs
- Kadesh
- Urchatz
- Karpas
- Tzafun
- Yachatz
- Maggid - Beginning
- -- Four Questions
- -- Four Children
- -- Exodus Story
- -- Ten Plagues
- -- Cup #2 & Dayenu
- Rachtzah
- Motzi-Matzah
- Maror
- Koreich
- Shulchan Oreich
- Bareich
- Hallel
- Nirtzah
- Conclusion
- Commentary / Readings
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