Haggadot Contributors

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Bernie, a young Jewish boy, decided he wanted to be an aeronautical engineer and build airplanes. Over the years he studied hard, went to the best schools, and finally got his degree. It didn't take long before he gained a reputation as the finest aeronautical engineer in all the land, so he decided to start his own company to build jets.  His company was such a hit that the President of the United States called Bernie into his office. "Bernie," the...

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Question: If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be? A. A fur coat. Question: If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a toolbox, what does a mohel carry?  A: A Bris-kit!*****As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain to Moses of how thirsty they were after walking so far. Unfortunately, they were not able to drink from the walls of water on either side...

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It seems a group of leading medical people have published data that indicates that Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It is indicated that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.  

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With Pesach soon upon them, the Jewish community in Madrid found themselves in a desperate situation. There was an acute shortage of horseradish. (Now many of you may not know that horseradish is the key seder ingredient, and not only that fiery condiment for gefilte fish, and which is also known in Hebrew as chrain). A hue and cry arose and the entire community was mobilized in an effort to prevent this shonda (shame, tragedy). All the European Union Countries gave...

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A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks, "Who wrote this crap?!!" *****At our seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzoh, fortified with Metamucil. The brand name, of course, is…”Let...

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A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, "What did you learn today?" He answered, "The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt." "How?" The boy said "Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharaoh up. Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once...

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LET MY PEOPLE GOAnonymous When Israel was in Egypt’s land,Let My people go!Oppressed so hard they could not stand,Let My people go!Refrain:Go down, Moses,Way down in Egypt’s land;Tell old PharaohTo let My people go!No more shall they in bondage toil,Let My people go!Let them come out with Egypt’s spoil,Let My people go!Oh, let us all from bondage flee,Let My people go!And let us all in Christ be free,Let My people go!You need not always weep and mourn,Let My people go!And wear...

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A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover Seder: "Ma nishtana ha layla ha...

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Morris calls his son in NY and says, "Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama." The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened. "I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up." "But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just...

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Question: Why did the matzoh quit his job??  A. Because he didn't get a raise!! Question: What's the difference between matzoh and cardboard??  A. Cardboard doesn't leave crumbs in the rug!!  Question: Why was the Matzah so anxious? A. He was afraid that he was cracking up.  Q: What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction? A: A matzochist Q: What kind of cheese do I eat on Pesach? A: Matzo-rella  

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QUESTION: Why do we have a Haggadah at Passover? A: So we can Seder right words.