They Tried To Kill Us, We Survived, Let's Eat!

Haggadah Section: -- Exodus Story

"They Tried To Kill Us (We Survived, Let's Eat)" by Sean Altman (BMI) & Rob Tannenbaum (BMI). From the JEWMONGOUS album Taller Than Jesus. Performed by Sean Altman. Video written, directed and edited by Jeff Thacher. Cast: Sean Altman, James Baylis, Gerard Brown, Edward Chung, Inna Dukach, Cynthia Kaplan, Garth Kravitz, Jeff LaGreca, Victoria Liedtke. Recording produced by Jon Spurney. Sean performs JEWMONGOUS in concert worldwide and is also the former leader and founder of Rockapella ("Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?"—he wrote *that* song, too) Check out Sean's video "Carmen Sandiego vs. Number One Hits" at

We were slaves to pharaoh in Egypt. 
The year was 1492. 
Hitler had just invaded Poland. 
Madonna had just become a Jew. 
Moses was found on the Potomac. 
Then he marched with Martin Luther King. 
He came back to free us from our bondage 
'cause S&M has never been our thing. 
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat. 
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet. 
So they chase us to the border, there's a parting of the water;
tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat. 
Then the Pharaoh (who looked like Yul Brynner) 
heard the Jews were trying to escape. 
Charlton Heston came right down from the mountain. 
He said "Pharaoh, you're a damn dirty ape!" 
The menorah was almost out of oil. 
Farrakhan was planning Kristalnacht. 
The gefilte was nearing extinction. 
It looked like Moses and his flock were ferkacht. 
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat. 
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet. 
But we knew how to resist 'cause we'd rented Schindler's List. Tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat. 
The 10 Egyptian plagues: 
1-Blood, 2-Locusts, 
3-Boils, 4-Dandruff, 
5-Acne, 6-Backne, 
7-Piles, 8-Cataracts, 
9-Sciatica, 10-Sickle cell anemia. 
We fled on foot, there was no time to tarry. 
Leavening the bread would take too long. 
All we had was egg foo yung and matzoh, 
while battling the fearsome Viet Cong. 
And so tonight, we gather to remember 
the ancient Hebrews who paid the price. 
We have a Seder, each year in December 
to commemorate our savior Jesus Christ. 
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat. 
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet. 
So we never did succumb to the annual pogrom. 
Tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat. 
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat. 
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet. 
So come on, blow the shofar 
'cause they haven't nailed us so far. 
Tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat!


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