LEADER: Of four children did the Torah speak, describing four types of Jews.

ASSEMBLED: The wise one, the wicked one , the simple one and the young one, who does not know enough to inquire.

LEADER: This year we will speak of Four Kinds of People Who Use “Zoom”:  The Wise, the Wicked, the Simple, and the One Who Does Not Know How to “Mute.”

Participant: The Wise Person says: “I’ll handle the Admin Feature Controls and Chat Rooms, and forward the Cloud Recording Transcript after the call.”

Participant: The Wicked Person says: “Since I have unlimited duration, I scheduled the meeting for six hours—as it says in the Haggadah, whoever prolongs the telling of the story, harei zeh ‘shubach, is praiseworthy.”

Participant: The Simple Person says: “Hello? Am I on? I can hear you but I can’t see you.” Participant:

The One Who Does Not Know How to Mute says: “How should I know where you put the keys? I’m stuck on this stupid “Zoom” call with these idiots.”

Leader: To the Wise Person you should offer all of the “Zoom Pro” Optional Add-On Plans.

To the Wicked Person you should say: “Had you been in charge, we would still be in Egypt.”

To the Simple Person you should say: “Try the call-in number instead.”

To the One Who Does Not Know How to Mute you should say: “Why should this night be different from all other nights?”