Traditional Jews pour a cup and open the door in the hopes of greeting the Prophet Elijah, whose arrival we presage the coming of the Messiah.
Republican Jews pour a cup of Merlot in the hopes of attracting back former Speaker John Boehner to save them from the unprecedented dysfunction they themselves have created.
After opening the door, they recite:
Pour out your wrath upon the nations that President Trump has managed to get into a fight with, be it Mexico or Australia or China or Canada or really, any nation but fair Mother Russia. For they have devoured our trade surplus and destroyed our manufacturing sector.
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