MAH NISHTANA A Jewish man is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen of England. He is supposed to kneel and recite a sentence in Latin. When it comes his turn, the Queen taps him on the shoulders with the sword -- and in the panic of excitement he forgets the Latin line. Thinking quickly, he recites the only other line he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover Seder: "Mah nishtana ha-lailah ha-zeh mi-kol ha-leilot." The puzzled Queen turns to her advisor and asks, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?" A FISH STORY As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain to Moses of how thirsty they were after walking so far. Unfortunately, they were unable to drink from the walls of water on either side of them, as they were made of salt water. A fish from that wall of water told Moses that he and his family could help the people with their drinking water problem. Through the fishes gills they could remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths like a fresh water fountain for the Israelites to drink from as they walked by. Moses accepted this kindly fish's offer. But before the fish and his family began to help, the fish had a demand. That they and their descendents would always be present at the seder meal that would be established to commemorate the Exodus. Moses agreed to this, and when he did, he gave them their name which remains how they are known to this day, for he said to them, "Go filter, fish!!" GREEN EGGS AND . . . . The National Education Association is celebrating "Read Across America" by encouraging adults to read to children. Of course, Green Eggs and Ham is one of the most popular Dr. Seuss books. And, there's the dilemma. How can Jewish kids celebrate with green Eggs and HAM? So, in honor of (and with apologies to the estate of Dr. Seuss) here's a new ending for the story: Will you never see? They are not KOSHER, So let me be! I will not eat green eggs and ham. I will not eat them, Sam-I-am But I'll eat green eggs with a biscuit! Or I will try them with some brisket. I'll eat green eggs in a box. If you serve them with some ! lox. And those green eggs are worth a try Scrambled up in matzo brie! And in a boat upon the river, I'll eat green eggs with chopped liver! So if you're a Jewish Dr. Seuss fan, But troubled by green eggs and ham, Let your friends in on the scoop: Green eggs taste best with chicken soup! BEN & JERRY'S ICE CREAM IS NOW AVAILABLE IN ISRAEL: In the following flavors Wailing Walnut Moishmellow Mazel Toffee Chazalnut Oy Ge-malt Mi Ka-mocha. Soda & Gamorra Bernard Malamint Berry Pr'i Hagafen Choc-Eilat Chip and finally (drum roll, please).........Simchas T'oreo. It should also be noted that all these flavors come in a Cohen. http://funehumor.com/fun_doc6/fun_0621.shtml TEN WAYS TO TELL YOU'VE TOO MANY PEOPLE AT YOUR SEDER 10. You can't find anywhere out of sight to hide the afikomen. 9. To recline while drinking the wine, you all have lean in unison. 8. You have to sketch your living/dining room on graph paper. 7. You have to use a microscope to divvy up the knaidlach. 6. When you rotate the verses of "Echad Mi Yodea?", someone ends up singing "Who knows 39? I know 39." 5. You start looking at ads for closed circuit TV and auxiliary speakers. 4. While waiting for everyone to wash their hands the second time, the matza rises. 3. Even the kids complain that they don't have enough maror. 2. When you recite the names of the ten plagues, the locusts really ring a bell. 1. When Elijah shows up, and you have to give him his wine "to go. IF YOU KNEW WHAT I HAVE A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat." The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. It is hot. The girl then takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The woman looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you would give me that fan." The girl gives her the fan, too. Fifteen minutes later the woman gets up and says to the bus driver, "Stop, I want to get off here." The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here." The bus driver pulls over and opens the door to let her out. As she's walking out of the bus, he asks, "Madam, what is it you have?" The old woman looks at him and nonchalantly replies, "Chutzpah." PASSOVER STORY A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park He sat down on a bench and began eating. A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzoh to the blind man. The blind man ran his fingers over the matzoh for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this crap?" http://www.haruth.com/jhumor/Jhumor19.html LAMB FOR PESAH? It’s hard to make generalizations about Sephardim cause of the various minhagim of different edot. However, in Ashkelon numerous families from Sephardic backgrounds living in private homes near the kehilla would buy a lamb by the end of the winter, fatten her up for Pesah keeping her in the front yard or back yard, and have the shohet come the week of the hag to the house. We had one child whose mother swore that the because of the neighbor’s lamb her son’s first word was “mehhhhhh”. Others simply bought lamb meat for cooking at the supermarket. TEN QUICK CHEESY WAYS TO ENHANCE YOUR SEDER 10. Two Words: Plague Charades 9. Preface every paragraph by saying "DID YOU KNOW..." 8. Go around the table mentioning which of the 4 sons you'd like to date 7. Sing Dayenu to the tune of Labamba (Di, Di, Di, Di Di Aynu!) 6. To get kids really asking questions, cancel Seder... in favor of Séance 5. Come up with alternative uses for "Shank Bone" 4. Promise $1000 to the first kid who finds Moshe's name in the Haggadah twice 3. Ask, "If you were an Egyptian stranded on an island, and you could only have one plague for the rest of your life which one would it be?" 2. Haggadah "Taboo" (taboo words: Slaves, Free, Plague, Outstretched) 1. Spontaneous Seder Table Wave
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