Chapter Five

  1. And afterwards, Jerry and George came and said to Newman, "Hello Newman. So said the Lord God of Israel, 'Send out My people, and let them sacrifice to Me in the desert'. "
  1. And Newman said, “Hello Jerry. Who is the Lord that I should heed His voice to let Israel out? I do not know the Lord, neither will I let Israel out."
  1. And they said, "Art Vandelay, The God of the Hebrews has happened upon us. Now let us go on a three-day journey in the desert and sacrifice to the Lord our God, lest He strike us with a plague or with the sword."
  1. But the king of Manhattan said to them, "Why, Jerry and George, do you disturb the people from their work making bagels? Go to your own labors." Then they all got into this whole thing about importing and exporting, with Newman refusing to import more seeds - neither poppy, nor sesame - yet demanding that the Hebrews export more bagels.
  1. And Newman’s taskmasters and postmasters noodged the Hebrews and did heckle them with lines that were so played and hacky. And they did insult the Hebrews, remarking that their furniture was so un-Karl Farbman-like.
  1. And the elders of the children of Israel came to Jerry and George and they said, “Thanks a lot, bigmouths!”
  1. And Jerry said “What? What did we do?” and the elders of the children of Israel told of Newman’s hocking. And Jerry said unto God, “That’s just great.”

haggadah Section: -- Ten Plagues