1 Jerry answered and said, "Behold they will not believe me, and they will not heed my voice, but they will say, 'The Lord has not appeared to you’. "
2 And the Lord said to him, "What do you have in your puffy shirt?" And he said, "Nothing.” And God said “Jerry, you’re obviously lying. I can plainly see you have something in your puffy shirt.”
3 And God said, "take it out," “It?” “It.” “out?” “out.” And so Jerry did reluctantly show God the Tweety Bird Pez dispenser he was indeed concealing in his puffy shirt, and lo it did need air.
4 And God said, “Cast the Pez to the ground” and Jerry cast it to the ground, and it became a serpent, and Jerry fled from before it, like the time he found a hair in his farina and freaked out.
4 And the Lord said to Jerry, "Stretch forth your hand and take hold of its tail." So Jerry stretched forth his hand and grasped it, though he did crinkle his face up and held the serpent as far from himself as possible, and it again became a Tweety Bird Pez dispenser in his hand.
6 And the Lord said further to him, "Your hands, they’re quite exquisite. They are so soft and milky white. Now put your hand into your bosom. No the other one." and he put his hand into his bosom, and he took it out, and behold, his hand had a discoloration on it, also white, but not of the milky kind.
7 And God said, "Put your hand back into your bosom. No the other one." And he put his hand back into his bosom, and when he took it out of his bosom, lo there was no white discoloration, only an exquisite, milky white hand, like the other one.
8 “And it will come to pass, if they do not believe either of these two signs, and they do not heed your voice, you shall take of the water of the Hudson and spill it upon the dry land, and the water that you take from the Hudson will become Snapple on the dry land."
9 Jerry said to the Lord, "I beseech You, O Lord. I am not a man of words, Yea, a bit of a lispy-talker.”
10 But the Lord said to him, "Who gave man a mouth, or who makes one dumb or deaf or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? And Jerry said, “Get out!! I was just talking about that to my friends the other day; if it would be better to date the deaf or the blind. Now I said the deaf because – “
12 So now, go! I will be with your mouth, and I will instruct you what you shall speak. "
13 But Jerry said, "I beseech You, O Lord, send now your message with another whom You would send."
14 And The Lord said, “God is getting upset! Is there not George your brother, the Levite? I know that he will surely speak, and behold, he is coming forth toward you, and when he sees you, he will rejoice in his heart. And Jerry said, “I don’t know so much about ‘rejoice’.”
15 “You shall speak to him, and you shall put the words into his mouth, and I will be with your mouth and with his mouth, and I will instruct you both what you shall do.”
16 “Whose mouth now?”
17 And God had an idea and said, “I just had a great idea. You will speak and George will speak for you, to the people, and it will be that he will be your speaker, and you will be his leader.”
18 “So you want him to read my lips? He’s not a novelty act, God. Where you hire him out for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs.”
33 So Jerry and George went, and they assembled all the elders of the children of Israel. And George did read his lips and spoke most the words that the Lord had spoken to Jerry, messing up only one or two - ok maybe more than two, but they got the gist of it - and he performed the signs before the eyes of the people.
34 And the people believed, and they heard that the Lord, Art Vandelay, had remembered the children of Israel and that He saw their affliction, and they kneeled and prostrated themselves and said “You are a very good man.” And Jerry thought to himself, “Yes, I am a good man. A very, very good man.”
 Zipporah immediately understood that the threat was related to circumcision, by a "psychoanalytic link" between Jerry’s penis and his son's, the ambiguous use of pronouns taken by Haberman (2003) as indicating the fundamental identity of the deity, her husband and her son in the woman's subconscious. Bonna Devora Haberman, 'Foreskin sacrifice - Zipporah's Ritual and the Bloody Bridegroom' in: The covenant of circumcision: new perspectives on an ancient Jewish rite, Brandeis series on Jewish women, ed. Mark, UPNE, 2003, ISBN 978-1-58465-307-3, 18-42. "Like Eve, Zipporah tangles her references to her son, her lover and God. ... Male figures coalesce in Eve['s] and Zipporah's consciousness."
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