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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Kadesh: Blessings over Cup #1 of wine and marking sacred time.
Urchatz: Ritually washing hands without offering a blessing.
Karpas: Eating green vegetable dipped in salt-water.
Yachatz: Breaking the middle matzah (of the ceremonial 3) to create the Afikoman.
Maggid: Telling the story. Why is this night different? 4 sons! 10 plagues! Enough already! Pascal lamb, matzah and bitter herb explanations. Cup #2.
Rachtzah: Ritually washing hands with a blessing before breaking bread.
Motzi: Blessing over bread.
Matzah: Blessing over matzah. Eat matzah.
Maror: Blessing over the bitter herbs. Eat bitter herbs.
Korech: Eating a sandwich of matzah and bitter herbs.
Shulchan Orech: Festive Meal.
Tzafun: Finding / ransoming / eating the Afikoman.
Barech: Blessing After Meals. Cup #3. Elijah.
Hallel: Singing psalms of praise. Cup #4.
Nirtzah: Seder ends. Next year in Jerusalem. Drinking songs.
LET’S MAKE THIS MOMENT SPECIAL!
Optional activity:
Pose for a polaroid picture to mark the moment in time. Write down a personal intention for the evening on its edge. Place on the Seder table.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָפֶן
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam Borei Pri HaGafen.
We acknowledge the Unity of All, and express gratitude for the fruit of the vine.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶה
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam Shehechiyanu V’kiyemanu V’higiyanu La’zman Ha’zeh.
We acknowledge the Unity of All, and express gratitude for being alive,
for having what we need, and for reaching this moment in time.
Drink Cup #1 of wine/juice.
Discussion Questions:
What elevates / differentiates moments for you? A particular food? Drink? Music? Scent? Clothing choice?
RECOGNIZE THE NEED FOR BOTH INTERNAL & EXTERNAL CLEANSING
Reflect: What shmutz (Yiddish for dirt) in your life would you like to be rid of?
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Use hand sanitizer – feel purer.
OUR NATURAL WORLD IS AMAZING – AND IT GROWS EDIBLE THINGS!
Green vegetables, while healthy and delicious, are not so filling, and we’ve got a bit of time before the meal. Bananas and salted caramel – now that’s a filling take on “fruit of the earth” dipped in salt-water!
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הָאֲדָמָה
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam Borei Pri Ha’adamah.
We acknowledge the Unity of All, and express gratitude for the fruit of the earth.
Eat banana and salted caramel. Rejoice.
Discussion question:
What is your favorite green veggie? What was it when you were 4 years old?
WE’RE UNBREAKING UP
Reflect: Our world is broken and we are often unintentionally the source of that breaking. What’s something (object, relationship, etc.) you intentionally or unintentionally broke this past year?
The Jewish tradition teaches that it’s not up to us to finish the work of repairing all that is broken with the world, but that we still must engage and do all we can. What actions will you take this year to heal and repair?
Break the middle matzah of the three at the head of the table – the bigger half magically becomes the Afikoman (more on that later). See if you can snag it when the leader isn’t looking and hold it ransom – we can’t finish our #friendseder™ without it!
(RAPPED TO THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR THEME SONG)
Now this is a story all about how
Some plagues came and flipped my smile into a frown
Now I need to pop this boil (Plague 6) – hey watch out for that bear (Plague 4)!
I’ll tell you how our firstborns were murdered (Plague 10) ’cause of Moses’s dare
Just West of the Nile born and raised,
Racing chariots was how I spent most of my days,
Being groomed for leadership, women galore,
Drinking with Moses some crazy tall pours
When my dad got sick and like that I understood
Egypt was mine - for bad or for good
I looked around at all the Israelites and man I got scared
Don’t overrun my home – I really did care!
The Israelites begged and pleaded with me day after day
’Cause I enslaved and made ’em bundle a crap-ton of hay
Making bricks for my cities, getting whipped in every pit
Then one day Moses murdered an Egyptian he hit
After many years away Moses came back just like that
He said God wanted me to free them – wearing a little Jew hat
I said I don’t think so, you need a breath of fresh air
Then the Nile turned to blood (Plague 1) – man it really wasn’t fair
Well, other plagues followed – all my cattle got gout (Plague 5)
Locusts filled up the whole sky (Plague 8), I started to doubt
In the end it was a no brainer, the choice just really clear
I let them go, then changed my mind, who else would make my beer?
I whistled for my chariot and when it came near
Its wheels were covered in frogs (Plague 2) – and hail (Plague 7) had
shattered the mirror
’Twas for the best because of lice (Plague 3) I’d shaved all my hair
But I thought “Man at least it’s dark” (Plague 9) – no one will be aware
I pulled up to the sea not realizing my fate
And I yelled to my soldiers – “Those Israelites are haters”
They chased them onto dry land – no time to beware
Those waves crashed down, and my kingdom was bare
I knew from the very beginning that my baby brother was going to be special. We had to hide him from the crazy Egyptian soldiers who were seeking out and killing all the newborn Israelite babies due to Pharaoh’s command. Whenever they came to our house and we hid him, somehow, he knew to stay quiet. One time he farted really loud but the guard didn’t hear (or smell!) it. It was kind of a miracle now that I think about it. And also a plague... We actually didn’t even give him a name because we were so scared that he might be killed and didn’t want to become too attached.
When baby bro Moses (I like to call him “Chalupa Batman”) got so big that we couldn’t hide him anymore (it’s not like our slave accommodations were so spacious… they were more like an individual WeWork office), my mom suggested that the only way to save him was to send him down the Nile in a basket, hoping that he might find a better future downriver.
I followed Chalupa down along the banks of the river, and watched as Pharaoh’s daughter, Daenerys Targarean, pulled him out of the water and decided to keep him! She was a Mother of Hebrews, and the one who named him Moses – an Egyptian name meaning “I drew him from the water.” I’m not quite sure how I got through her personal security guard, Paul Blart, but I ran up to her and let her know that if she needed a nursemaid for the baby, that I could help find her one. And just like that, my mom became her own son’s nursemaid!
When he inevitably was weaned (Mom would’ve kept nursing til his Bar Mitzvah if she could’ve) we went back to slave life, with no real interaction with him for decades, until one day my big brother Aaron disappeared, and then we heard murmurings around town about an Egyptian man who had come out as being a Hebrew. And he was advocating for us. And bringing miracles. And that Aaron was his press secretary ... er … spokesperson. And wouldn’t you know it, but that out and proud Hebrew man was my baby brother.
Along the way he seemed to have picked up a speech impediment – hence the need for Aaron’s support – as well as a few magic tricks and a personal unbreakable relationship with a God who self-described as “I am that I am” – sounds like a kind of sweet potato if you ask me ... I Yam that I Yam … We are starving after all. Is it time for the festive meal yet?
It turned out Pharaoh was crazy stubborn! Despite some crazy plagues he just wouldn’t agree to either just let us go, or to shift to a sharing economy – he called it Democratic socialism … the fiery hail didn’t quite make him “feel the Bern.” But, in the ultimate twist of irony, his own firstborn was killed along with the firstborn children of man and beast in all of Egypt – except for ours. Schadenfreude – taking pleasure in the pain of another. A great word I learned from Avenue Kuf! Have you seen Avenue Kuf? I learned what the internet is for.
That last night in Egypt we painted our doorposts with blood, quickly shared a roasted lamb with our neighbors (how we had lamb to eat despite being slaves I’m not quite sure…), and ate bitter herbs (we had dried and packed all the delicious ones!). Because we weren’t sure if there were bathrooms in the desert where we were going, we made sure to make our bread in such a way that we’d be sure to not need to use the bathroom for at least a week – hopefully we make it to the Promised Land by then.
If you ask me, the Egyptians would’ve gotten off way easier had they had a female leader. The palace would have been more of a safe space. Pantsuits would have been introduced way earlier into historical garment records.
I should mention: while Mom was nursing Moses for Pharaoh’s daughter I got tight with two of her royal helpers from the local dance academy. They inspired me to take moments to just dance – it’ll be okay – and so one of my most noteworthy moments was leading all of our women – like a million of us! – in dancing after we passed through the Red Sea. We couldn’t do the electric slide due to being so close to water, and everyone knows that Hebrews are incapable of square dancing – no one is willing to follow instructions – so circles it was!
In the end, I’m actually described as a prophetess in the Bible – pretty sweet. I have a mystical well that follows me (and the Israelites) as we wander in the desert – you know you’re jelly. Many families put a cup on the Seder table filled with water in my honor due to my story’s close association with it. While I end up dying before both Moses and Aaron, which admittedly is a bummer, at least I had the chance to have it all, rolling in the deep.
POUR ONE OUT
Reflect and discuss: Who isn’t here that you’re thinking about?
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָפֶן
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam Borei Pri HaGafen.
We acknowledge the Unity of All,
and express gratitude for the fruit of the vine.
Drink Cup #2.
We’ve already used hand sanitizer to symbolize purity. Now, we take the physical act of raising our hands up, acknowledging the power we possess.
The traditional blessing offered is “on the raising of the hands.”
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל נְטִילַת יָדַיִם
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam Asher Kideshanu B’mitzvotav V’tzivanu Al Netilat Yadayim.
We acknowledge the Unity of All and express gratitude for the opportunity to connect by raising up our hands.
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Suggestion: Crack some glow sticks, dim the lights, and have a dance break to Fedde Le Grand’s “Put Your Hands Up for Detroit.” “Stop! In the Name of Love” by The Supremes, along with accompanying hand motions, works here if house music isn’t your jam!
APOLOGIES TO DR. ATKINS
Bread is a symbol of the partnership between humankind and the natural world – it doesn’t just magically appear from the ground – it takes human partnership (and it’s delicious).
Poet Pablo Neruda had some delicious things to say about bread. See poem below.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם הַמּוֹצִיא לֶחֶם מִן הָאָרֶץ
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam Hamotzi Lechem Min Ha’aretz.
We acknowledge the Unity of All and express gratitude for bread from the earth.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל אֲכִילַת מַצָּה
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam Asher Kideshanu B’mitzvotav V’tzivanu Al Achilat Matzah.
We acknowledge the Unity of All and express gratitude for the opportunity to connect by eating matzah.
Eat matzah. Discussion Question: What’s your favorite kind of cracker and why?
A Selection from "Ode to Bread"
Bread,
you rise
from flour,
water
and fire.
Dense or light,
flattened or round,
you duplicate
the mother’s
rounded womb,
and earth’s
twice-yearly
swelling.
How simple
you are, bread,
and how profound!
You line up
on the baker’s
powdered trays
like silverware or plates
or pieces of paper
and suddenly
life washes
over you,
there’s the joining of seed
and fire,
and you’re growing, growing
all at once
like
hips, mouths, breasts,
mounds of earth,
or people’s lives.
The temperature rises, you’re overwhelmed
by fullness, the roar
of fertility,
and suddenly
your golden color is fixed.
And when your little wombs
were seeded,
a brown scar
laid its burn the length
of your two halves’
toasted
juncture.
Now,
whole,
you are
mankind’s energy,
a miracle often admired,
the will to live itself.
Our enslaved ancestors cried out. We too were slaves in Egypt! People today are still enslaved! We cry too.
Discussion topic: What does contemporary slavery look like? Where do we see its manifestations at home and abroad?
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל אֲכִילַת מָרוֹר
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam Asher Kideshanu B’mitzvotav V’tzivanu Al Achilat Maror.
We acknowledge the Unity of All and express gratitude for the opportunity to connect by eating bitter herbs.
A horseradish-infused potato-vodka shot will get those tears flowing!
Instructions:
Buy a big bottle of potato vodka and fresh horseradish root. Cut up the root. Put it in the bottle. Store at room temperature for at least 3 days (the longer you store it, the stronger the horseradish flavor will be!). Put it in the freezer. Serve chilled. Expert tip: post-Seder leftovers are great with tomato juice for a Passover morning Bloody Miriam.
Our ancestors had a sick sense of humor, and suggested that we eat a sandwich made of horseradish between matzah. Frankly, it’s a bad joke. As you munch on the sandwich, take turns telling your favorite dad jokes. (For inspiration: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.)
Enjoy the festive meal.
Talk about the things that matter in life: family, global refugee policies / solutions, Game of Thrones.
When you’re wrapping up, take 5 minutes to reflect on the things in life you’re grateful for (go beyond health, family and friends), and try to summarize them all into a single sentence that you write down to share later.
GREEK FOR DESSERT
Enjoy something sweet. Then, after you’ve eaten all you can eat, eat a small piece of the Afikoman (remember when we created it earlier?) – it’s traditionally the last thing we eat at a Seder.
Find a quarter at your place setting. Put it in the provided tzedakah box, with proceeds to be donated to the charity of the host’s choice. Repeat as often as possible, for this cause and other worthy ones, once back at home.
Go around the table and share your gratitude statements. Breathe.
Reflect on Elijah the prophet. He was worried we wouldn’t keep Jewish traditions. He’d be surprised – but proud.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם הַזָּן אֶת הַכֹּל
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam Hazan Et Hakol.
We acknowledge the Unity of All and express gratitude for there being food for each of us this evening.
Discussion topic: Who are the prophets of our time? (RBG obvs!) Toast to them over Cup #3 of wine/juice.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָפֶן
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam Borei Pri HaGafen.
We acknowledge the Unity of All, and express gratitude for the fruit of the vine.
Drink Cup #3.
Reflect & Share
Have each person offer a single word of praise about the world, nature, humanity, food, etc.
Cup #4:
Take a moment to raise a glass and share your favorite toasts!
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָפֶן
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam Borei Pri HaGafen.
We acknowledge the Unity of All, and express gratitude for the fruit of the vine.
Drink Cup #4.
#friendseder™ is coming to a close. After four glasses of vino (and some horseradish-infused vodka!) we’re betting you’re ready to sing out! Fortunately, we’re prepared for that.
Also, it might be fun to do this next year again – maybe even in Jerusalem.
Potential Songs:
“One Day” by Matisyahu
“500 Miles” by The Proclaimers
“Redemption Song” by Bob Marley
“Who Knows One”
“Chad Gadya”
“We Shall Overcome” by Charles Albert Tindley
“Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen
“Go Down Moses”
“Od Yavo Shalom Aleinu” by Mosh Ben Ari
“If I Had A Hammer” by Peter, Paul, & Mary
“Miriam’s Song” by Debbie Friedman