This is a song for all those kids who can't eat leavened things during Passover.
Jerry from Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, too Celebrate Passover, just like me and you...
At the cliffs of Dover, We'll celebrate Passover
We'll sing "Crimson and Clover" and celebrate Passover
Guess who gets together for first and second Seder
Dr. Mike, the Medicine Woman and Ruth Ginsberg (Bader)
Most of us eat chicken soup, with a matzoh ball
Even some old movie stars, like Lauren Bacall...
Jeff Goldblum thinks of slaves' strife,
So do Neil Diamond, Kerri Strug, and Woody Allen's new wife.
Mayim Bialik eats lots of maror,
So does Madeline Albright, but not Tipper Gore.
So many people dipping parsely in salt water,
I think including someone from "Welcome Back Kotter"!
So get out your Charoses, it's time to talk about Moses,
And open the door for Elijah, He really might surprise ya.
Not a Jew is un-a-bomber Ted Kaczynski...
But guess who is - White House intern Monica Lewinsky!
Tell old Pharaoh to let my people go,
So I can have Seder with David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.
And guess who asks the four questions, timidly and shyly,
We know him as Carter from ER, but his real name's Noah Wyle!
For eight long days, we cannot eat bread or rice, But guess who can?
The boys from Hanson and Ginger Spice!
The girl who plays Colleen on Dr. Quinn is named Jessica Bowman,
I bet if she were Jewish she would find the Afikomen!
Tell Big Bird and Grover It's time for Passover
Get in your Land Rover, and come celebrate Passover.
This Haggadah is for hope. Like the first bud unfurling its petals, we are waking up. Waking from sleep and winter, yes. But we also try to wake up from cynicism, from sadness, from despair.
This is a Haggadah of Hope.
This is a Haggadah of Spring.
Ideas for Spicing Up Kiddush
-Have an empty cup in the middle. Have everyone add a little form their own cups to the middle cup. This cup then will be Elijah’s cup, and everyone will have shared with Elijah from their own.
-Pour the wine or grape juice for each other, each person pouring for the person to their right, to give a sense of sharing and elegance.
-Have the younger participants pour everyone’s glasses, playacting as if the adults are the Egyptians and the children are the Israelites serving them. For the second cup of wine, have the adults serve the children!
Each person takes the water jug and washes the hands of the person next to them.
Leader: As we wash, let us remember to be servants of one another, yet know that we are worthy to have our hands washed by others.
At this point in the seder, it is traditional to eat a green vegetable dipped in salt water. The green vegetable represents rebirth, renewal and growth; the salt water represents the tears of enslavement.
Baruch atah, Adonai, eloheinu ruach ha’olam, borei p’ri ha’adamah.
Blessed are you, Adonai, Breath of Life, creator of the fruit of the earth.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הָאֲדָמָה.
Break the middle matzah in two. Wrap the larger part to use later as Afikoman.
Fill the second cup of wine. Tell the story. When you get to the description of the plagues, remove a little bit of wine from the cup at the mention of each plague. When you get to the happy ending, pick up the wine cup and recite:
Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu melech ha'olam asher g'alanu v'ga'al et avoteinu mimitzrayim, v'higiyanu halailah hazeh le'echol bo matzah umaror. Ken Adonai eloheinu velohei avoteinu, yagi'einu l'mo'adeinu v'lir'galim acherim haba'im likrateinu l'shalom, s'meichim b'vinyan irecha v'sasim bavodatecha, v'nochal sham min haz'vachim umin hap'sachim asher yagia damam al kir mzbachacha l'ratzon. V'nodeh l'cha shir chadash al g'ulateinu v'al p'dut nafsheinu. Baruch ata Adonai, ga'al Yisrael.
Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu melech ha'olam borei p'ri hagafen.
Which means approximately:
We bless you, Lord our God, ruler of the world, who saved us and our anscestors from Egypt and brought us to this night to eat matzah and maror. In the same way, may the Lord our God and God of our ancestors bring us in peace to future holidays, and may we be gladdened by the rebuilding of Jerusalem and happy in serving you, and may we be able to eat the Passover offering there, according to your will. And may we have the chance to praise you with a new song for saving us and making us free. We bless you, Lord, who has saved Israel.
We bless you, Lord our God, ruler of the world, who creates the fruit of the vine.
And then you drink.
(Professor Eliezer Segal, http://www.acs.ucalgary.ca/~elsegal/) Why is it only on Passover night we never know how to do anything right? We don't eat our meals in the regular ways, the ways that we do on all other days. `Cause on all other nights we may eat all kinds of wonderful good bready treats, like big purple pizza that tastes like a pickle, crumbly crackers and pink pumpernickel, sassafras sandwich and tiger on rye, fifty falafels in pita, fresh-fried, with peanut-butter and tangerine sauce spread onto each side up-and-down, then across, and toasted whole-wheat bread with liver and ducks, and crumpets and dumplings, and bagels and lox, and doughnuts with one hole and doughnuts with four, and cake with six layers and windows and doors. Yes-- on all other nights we eat all kinds of bread, but tonight of all nights we munch matzah instead. And on all other nights we devour vegetables, green things, and bushes and flowers, lettuce that's leafy and candy-striped spinach, fresh silly celery (Have more when you're finished!) cabbage that's flown from the jungles of Glome by a polka-dot bird who can't find his way home, daisies and roses and inside-out grass and artichoke hearts that are simply first class! Sixty asparagus tips served in glasses with anchovy sauce and some sticky molasses-- But on Passover night you would never consider eating an herb that wasn't all bitter.
YYYY THS NITE DIFRNT FRM AL OTHR NITES 7
Y DUWE ET ONLY MATSA 7
Y ONLI BTR ERBS 7
Y DIP X2 7
Y ET LEENING 7
Narrator 1: The story of Moses has been told and retold. It is a reminder to the Jewish people that once we were slaves in Egypt, but now we are free. Once, we were downhearted, but now we are happy. In our times of despair, it is important for us to remember the miracles performed by a merciful G-d, whose love for His people is never-ending.
And so, this year, as in all years before, for generation upon generation, we tell the story of Passover. Now, I invite you to relax, lean on a pillow, and listen to this tale.
Pharaoh: Yes, I’ll have one order of caviar, with a Diet Pepsi. And Super Size it.
Slave: Yes, your highness. And if I do say so myself, the weather is lovely, is it not? What sayest your wonderfulness?
Pharaoh: uh huh
Slave: My wife and family do enjoy the most wonderful of all lives you’ve afforded them. Carrying bricks is just the disciplinary measure that my 28 sons need.
Pharaoh: uh huh. 28??? Did you say 28 sons?
Slave: Indeed I did, your most fabulousness.
Pharaoh: Leave my quarters. I must think. This is not good. Here we have many thousands of members of a strange culture living among us. They are not Egyptians; how do I know that in time of war they might not turn against Egypt and fight for our enemies? I must find a way to decrease this alien population.
Herald: Hear ye, hear ye. It is hearby decreed by Pharaoh, ruler of the land of Egypt, that any son born to a Jew is to be drowned in the Sea of Reeds.
Yocheved: There is no way that I will let Pharaoh take my baby. I have to hide him.
Narrator 2: Yocheved wove a basket of reeds, put her son into it, and hid it in the reeds by the river. She sent her young daughter Miriam to hide near by and watch. A princess came down to the water to bathe.
Princess: What is this?
Princess’s Attendant: It appears to be a baby, your highness.
Princess: A baby?
Princess’s Attendant: Why yes, your highness.
Princess: Well, should we pick it up?
Princess’s Attendant: I suppose.
Princess: Then pick it up!
Princess’s Attendant: Yes, your highness.
Princess: Isn’t it cute? Let’s take it home so you can take care of it and change its diapers and feed it, and it can love and respect me as its mother.
Princess’s Attendant: Sounds great.
Miriam: Excuse me, your majesty, but would you like me to I call a Hebrew woman to nurse the baby instead, so that your attendant can attend to you?
Princess: A good idea. I hadn’t thought of that. All right, your Hebrew woman may nurse my child, and when he is old enough to walk, she shall bring him to the palace for me to adopt. What should we call it? How about “Drawn from the Water”?
Princess’s Attendant: Drawn from the Water? What’s wrong with Bob?
Princess: I think it’s a good name. We’ll call him Moses for short.
Princess’s Attendant: Whatever you say, your majesty.
Narrator 1: And so Yocheved’s son, Moses, grew up as the Pharaoh’s adopted grandson, with all the riches and prestige that such a position entailed. While Yocheved never told her son that he was Jewish, he felt great pity for the Hebrew slaves. One day, he came upon an Egyptian beating an old slave for not working hard enough. With a heart filled with rage, Moses killed the guard. Of course, by doing so he was breaking the law and would have to face Pharaoh as a consequence. So, he ran away from home, into the desert, and became a shepherd.
Narrator 2: One fine morning one of Moses’ sheep strayed a bit from the path.
Narrator 2: Moses followed the sheep and came across a bush that was burning, but not being consumed. He turned to look at it, and G-d called out to him.
G-d: Moses, Moses
Moses: Here I am
G-d: I am the G-d of thy father, the G-d of Abraham, the G-d of Isaac, and the G-d of Jacob. I have surely seen the affliction of My people that are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I now their pains; and I am come to deliver them out of the hands of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey. And now, I will send thee unto Pharaoh, that thou mayest bring forth My people the children of Israel out of Egypt.
Moses: B-b-but why should, I mean, why, why should I be the one t-t-to lead m-m-my puh, my people?
G-d: Certainly I shall be with thee.
Moses: Whah-what shhhould I t-t-t-ell the p-p-people? When I t-t-t-tell them that you sssssent me, and they ask wha…what is your your name, wha…what do I ssssay?
G-d: ‘I AM THAT I AM’; Thus shalt you say unto the children of Israel. And they shall hearken to your voice. And thou shalt come, thou and the elders of Israel, unto the king of Egypt, and you shall say unto him: The G-d of the Hebrews hath met with us. And now, let us go, we pray thee, three days’ journey into the wilderness, that we may sacrifice to our G-d. And I know that the king of Egypt will not give you leave to go, except by a mighty hand. And I will put forth My hand, and smite Egypt with all My wonders which I will do in the midst thereof. And after that he will let you go.
Moses: B-b-but I cannot, I cannot d-d-d-o this. I am ssssslow of sssp-p-peech and sssslow of t-t-tongue.
G-d: Who hath made man’s mouth? Or who maketh a man dumb, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt speak.
Moses: Puh-puh-puh-please send sssssomeone else…
G-d: Is not Aaron thy brother the Levite? I know that he can speak well. Thou shalt speak unto him, and put the words in his mouth; and I will be with thy mouth, and will teach you what ye shall do.
Narrator 2: And so Moses went to the people Israel, and convinced them that G-d had spoken to him. He then went to the Pharaoh and told Aaron what to say.
Aaron: Pharaoh, we are here to demand, in the name of an omnipotent, omniscient G-d, that you release the Hebrew people from bondage.
Pharaoh: He he. Amusing guys. Good show, good show. So, Moses, back after all of these years to bring shame on your own house and your own father?
Aaron: You cared for my brother for many years. At one time, he loved you as a grandfather. But he is the son of a Hebrew slave. If you love him, you will let his people go.
Pharaoh’s son: Moses! I missed you! Wanna play Risk with me? Dad’s teaching me so I know how to take over the world later. Hey, who are you?
Aaron: I am Aaron, Moses’ brother.
Pharaoh’s son: I thought I was his brother! Fine. I guess I’ll go play Pyramid Solitaire. By myself. All alone.
Aaron: Pharaoh, if you do not release G-d’s chosen people, Egypt will be smitten with a greater plague than it has ever before seen.
Narrator 1: G-d sent many plagues to Egypt. He turned the water in the Nile to blood; He sent a plague of frogs; he sent lice and flies.
Pharaoh’s son: Dad! I don’t like this! Make it stop!
Aaron: Now will you let my people go?
Pharaoh: OK Aaron, I have some really good news.
Aaron: So you’ll let our people go?
Pharaoh: Of course not, but I just saved 15% on my chariot insurance.
Narrator 1: Plague after plague fell on Egypt. The cattle illness, boils, hail, locusts. The most remarkable thing about these plagues was that they only touched the Egyptians. The Hebrew slaves were safe.
Aaron: Pharaoh, we don’t know what we can do to make you see that eventually you will have to give in. We’re warning you now that G-d has told Moses what the next plague will be. He is going to kill the firstborn of every Egyptian household, up to and including your son. Pharaoh, don’t let this happen! Let my people go!
Pharaoh: I do not know your god, and I will not let your people go. Get out of my house! Get out!
Narrator 2: G-d came to Moses and had him tell the Jewish people to slay a lamb and mark their doorposts with its blood. Then, the Angel of Death flew over Egypt. He took the lives of all of the firstborn, except for those in the homes marked with blood. It was devastating! The people of Egypt were saddened and horrified.
Aaron: Pharaoh, grandfather of my brother’s childhood, we are sorry for your loss.
Pharaoh: Go away! Go away and leave me to my grief!
Aaron: But Pharaoh, now that you have seen how powerful G-d is, will you let my people go?
Pharaoh: Fine. Just go. Just….sob…just go.
Narrator 1: In our seder, we fill our wine ups to remember our joy in being able to leave Egypt. Yet our happiness is not complete, because the Egyptians, who are also G-d’s children, suffered from the plagues, and eventually were killed so that we could be free. Therefore, we spill a drop of wine from our cups as we say each plague.
All: BLOOD, FROGS, LICE, BEASTS, CATTLE DISEASE, BOILS, HAIL, LOCUSTS, DARKNESS, PLAGUE OF THE FIRSTBORN
Aaron: Listen to me! Remember this day, in which you came out from Egypt, out of the house of bondage; for the strength of the hand of the Lord has brought you from this place, and the Lord shall guide you to the Promised Land.
Moses: We m-m-m-ust go in haste. We must m-m-m-ake food, but…but hurry, we must, we must, we must go before, before Pharaoh changes his mind.
Miriam: Moses, the bread won’t have time to rise!
Aaron: It doesn’t matter, we’ve got to go. Just come quickly!
Pharaoh: I have just let my slaves all go. This is not good for the people of Egypt. All that my fathers have worked for will vanish if I lose the Hebrew slaves. Who will build the pyramids? Who will build the cities? The entire economy of Egypt will collapse without the Hebrews. It will be the end of an empire. I WANT THEM BACK.
Herald: All soldiers and warriors – get your swords and armor. Saddle your horses. After them!
Miriam: Look! The Egyptians are coming! They will kill us all! They will work us to death! Moses, my brother, do something!
Moses: D-d-do not be afraid. G-d has, has pr-provided for us up to now, and he…he…he will continue to do, to do so.
G-d: Lift thou up thy rod and stretch out thy hand over the sea, and divide it; and the children of Israel shall go into the midst of the sea on dry ground.
Narrator 2: This Moses did, and the children of Israel walked through the parted waters. When Pharaoh’s armies followed in pursuit, the waters closed in upon them.
Miriam: We made it across the Red Sea! We are free! Sing ye to the Lord, for He is highly exalted: The horse and his rider hath He thrown into the sea. Who is like you, G-d, among the gods that are worshipped? Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in splendor, doing wonders?
Narrator 1: And Miriam took a timbrel in her hand; and all of the women went out after her with timbrels and with dances. Then, the Hebrew people followed Moses toward the Promised Land. Thus, Adonai our G-d brought us out of Egypt, not by an angel, nor by a seraph, nor by a messenger, but alone – with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, and with great terror, and with signs and wonders.
ten plagues picture
chart of the ten plauges
'Twas the night after Seder, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The matzah, the farfel, the haroset I ate,
After both the Sedarim, had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked over to shul (less a walk than a lumber),
I remembered the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The turkey with gravy, the beef nicely rared,
The wine and the matzo balls, the Migdal pareve cheese
The way I'd never said, "I've had enough; no more, if you please."
As I tied myself into my apron again
spied my reflection and disgustedly,
then I said to myself, "you're such a weak wimp,"
"You can't show up at shul resembling a blimp!"
So--away with the last of the meatballs so sweet,
Get rid of the turkey, chopped liver and meat.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have any more macaroons from the box,
I can't wait til next week. (Ah, the bagels and lox.)
I won't have any luxion, farfel or p'chah,
I'll munch on a carrot or wire shut my own jaw.
It's a three day yom tov and shabbas is still
Ahead of me with another fleshiks meal to fulfill.
If I have to cook one more chicken, I think I will riot.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל נְטִילַת יָדַיִם.
After washing your hands, raise all three matzot and say
Baruch ata Adonai Elohinu melech ha'olam hamotzi lechem min ha'aretz.
We bless you, Lord our God, God of the world, who brings foth bread from the land.
Put down the bottom matzah and add:
Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu melech ha'olam asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav v'ztivanu al achilat matzah.
We bless you, Lord our God, God of the world, who has sanctified us with his commandments and commanded us concerning the eating of matzah.
Each person eats a piece of each of the top to matzot. After that, you can eat as much matzah as you like.
Take some maror. Dip it in charoset, then shake off the charoset. Recite the following blessing:
Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu melech ha'olam asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu al achilat maror.
We bless you, Lord our God, God of the world, who has sanctified us with his commandments and commanded us concernint the eating of bitter herbs.
Eat the maror immediately. Do not lean while you eat the maror.
Take a piece of the bottom matzah, and some extra matzah if you like, and some more maror. Dip the maror in charoset, then shake off the charoset. Make a matzah-maror sandwich, recite or read or think about the following text, then eat the sandwich.
The text is:
Zecher l'mikdash k'hillel. Ken asah hillel bizman shebeit hamikdash hayah kayam. Haya korech matzah umaror v'ochel b'yachad. L'kayam mah shene'emar, al matzot um'rorim yochluhu.
This is a reminder of what Hillel used to do in the time of the Temple. When the Temple stood, he used to combine matzah and maror in a sandwich and eat them together, doing as the Torah says: "They will eat the Pesach offering together with matzah and maror."
Our Seder's joyous interlude
our celebration soon conclude
we hope the day so soon to come
when songs of freedom all will hum
When God, the Brit did reaffirm
a promise made, in time's good turn
one day in freedom, peace and calm
"La-kach-ti et-chem lee l'am"
(Our Torah teaches that God said: "I will take you to be my people." Exodus 6:7)
Ba-ruch A-tah A-do-nai, E-lo-hei-nu Me-lech Ha-o-lam
Bo-rei, pe-ree ha-ga-fen.
O Holy One of Blessing, Your Presence fills creation,
We praise you for creating the fruit of the vine.
חֲסַל סִדור פֶסַח כְהִלְכָתוֹ, כְכָל מִשְפָטוֹ וְחֻקָתוֹ. כַאֲשֶר זָכִינו לְסַדֵר אוֹתוֹ. כֵן נִזְכֶה לַעֲשוֹתוֹ. זָךְ שוֹכֵן מְעוֹנָה, קוֹמֵם קְהַל עֲדַת מִי מָנָה. בְקָרוֹב נַהֵל נִטְעֵי כַנָה. פְדויִם לְצִיוֹן בְרִנָה.
לְשָנָה הַבָאָה בִירושַָלָיִם.
Bitterness isn't just a tradition in the Jewish community--it's a commandment. Here we answer some frequently asked questions about Passover's bitter herbs, also known as maror.
Q: Where does the commandment to eat bitter herbs come from?
A: In Exodus 12:8 the Torah commands us to eat the paschal sacrifice, "with unleavened bread and with bitter herbs." This same law is repeated in Numbers 9:20. Though we do not have the paschal sacrifice any more the obligation to eat the bitter herbs remains.
Q: What qualifies as a bitter herb?
A: The Hebrew word used is maror, which comes from the root mar, meaning bitter. In the Talmud, the rabbis came up with a list of qualifications for whatever vegetable you use as maror. It should be bitter, have sap, and be grayish in appearance. It also needs to be a vegetable that grows from the earth, not from a tree. (Pesahim 39a) Though we tend to refer to maror in English as an herb, it would be more accurate to say vegetable.
Q: What are some examples of things that could be bitter herbs at my seder this year?
A: The Mishnah (Pesahim 2:6) lists five possibilities that can be used at the seder, but it's hard to know for certain exactly what plants they are referring to. The one that is most clear is called hazeret in Hebrew, which is commonly understood to mean lettuce. So many halakhic authorities today say the best form of bitter herbs is romaine lettuce, even though it is not initially bitter, but has a bitter aftertaste. The outer older leaves of romaine lettuce can contain a grayish milky sap that is very bitter. If lettuce is not available, any vegetable is suitable, and other common options are celery and horseradish (also known as chrein).
Q: What is the symbolism of maror?
A: Though it isn't explicit in the Torah, bitter herbs are commonly held to be a symbol of the bitterness the Israelites felt when they were slaves in Egypt. By eating the herbs we feel bitterness ourselves, and can more easily imagine ourselves as slaves. When we dip the maror in the haroset we are associating the bitterness we feel with the hard labor the Israelites experienced at the hands of the Egyptians.
Q: Why would we say a blessing over something that's bitter and symbolizes hardship and suffering?
A: When we dip maror in haroset we recognize that bitter and sweet often come together in life. To be a Jew is to see both the bitter and the sweet in the world, and to bless God for both. Maror also reminds us that misery is not meaningless. The pain that the Israelites suffered as slaves in Egypt was not for naught. It led to their cries for freedom, and ultimately their redemption.
I know a place,
Where the karpas is really greener,
Becomes leavened with water!
Sipping Kedem grape juice,
Leaning on my seder pillows!
The sons - wise, bad n’ mute,
try'na snag the afikomen!
You could travel the world,
But nothin' comes close,
To that final fourth Kose!
Once you seder with u-us, you'll be eating gebructs!
Oh oh oh ohhhhhhh!
Kadish Urchatz - we're unforgettable,
Karpas, Yachatz – Passover Shnapps!
So hot - it’ll melt your popsicle!
Oh oh oh ohhhhhhh!
4 questions, we're undeniable,
Fine, fresh, fierce,
Horseraddish shell shock!
Passover represent, now put your Hagadah up!
Oh oh oh ohhhhhhh!
Kama ma’a lot tovot lamakom aleinu.
Ilu hotzi’anu mimitzrayim, v’lo asah bahem shfatim, dayenu.
Ilu asah bahem shfatim, v’lo asah vailoheihem, dayenu.
Ilu asah vailoheihem, v’lo harag et bichoraihem, dayenu.
Ilu harag et bichoraihem, v’lo natan lanu mamonam, dayenu.
Ilu natan lanu mamonam, v’lo karah lanu et hayam, dayenu.
Ilu karah lanu et hayam, v’lo he’evairanu bitocho becheravah, dayenu.
Ilu he’evairanu bitocho becheravah, v’lo shikah tzareinu b’tocho, dayenu.
Ilu shikah tzareinu b’tocho, v’lo sifek tzarchainu bamidbar arba’im shana, dayneu.
Ilu sifek tzarchainu bamidbar arba’im shana, v’lo he’echilanu et haman, dayenu.
Ilu he’echilanu et haman, v’lo natan lanu et hashabbat, dayenu.
Ilu natan lanu et hashabbat, v’lo karvanu lifnei har Sinai, dayenu.
Ilu karvanu lifnei har Sinai, v’lo natan lanu et hatorah, dayenu.
Ilu natan lanu et hatorah, v’lo hichnisanu l’eretz Yisrael, dayenu.
Ilu hicnisanu l’eretz Yisrael, v’lo vana lanu et bait habchirah, dayenu.
One day king Pharaoh awoke in his bed,
There were frogs in his bed and frogs on his head.
Frogs on his nose and frogs on his toes.
Frogs here, frogs there,
Frogs were jumping everywhere.