Skit - The Original Zoom

Haggadah Section: -- Exodus Story

Skit - The Original Zoom

By 

Dave Cowen

MOSES

What a nice flock my father-in-law Jethro has. I love tending you, dear flock.

The flock mews in appreciation. Suddenly Moses realizes he’s on the far side of the wilderness and has come to Mount Horeb. There he sees a strange sight.

MOSES

What is this strange sight?

It is a bush that is burning but does not burn up.

BURNING BUSH

Please join this meeting in progress.

MOSES

What meeting?

BURNING BUSH

Join the Burning Bush meeting in progress.

MOSES

This is a strange form of meeting, but OK.

BURNING BUSH

Here is your meeting ID and password.

MOSES

This is a lot of numbers, but OK.

BURNING BUSH

Do not come any closer!

MOSES

Why not?

BURNING BUSH

We must practice physical and social distancing with the Burning Bush. That is the purpose of using the Burning Bush for a meeting.

MOSES

OK. Who am I meeting with?

BURNING BUSH

You are meeting with I am who I am.

MOSES

Who’s that?

BURNING BUSH

That is who wants to have this Burning Bush meeting with you.

MOSES
But I don’t know any “I am who I am.”

BURNING BUSH

You do know me. I am the God of your ancestors, the God of Abraham & Sarah, the God of Isaac & Rebecca, and the God of Jacob, Rachel & Leah.

MOSES

Oh wow. Well. Here I am, Yahweh. I think. Can you see me?

BURNING BUSH

Your face is hidden. You need to turn--

MOSES

Is this better?

BURNING BUSH

Yes, but now I can’t hear you. I think you just--

MOSES

Did I mute myself?

BURNING BUSH

Yeah, I just unmuted you.

MOSES

Great. Thanks. Oh no! Now Jethro’s flock just ran in here. Sorry.

BURNING BUSH

It’s OK. We all have flocks to tend. I’ll wait.

MOSES

OK. Got that under control. So. Why do you want to meet with me, Yahweh?

BURNING BUSH

I have seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a land flowing with milk and honey. And I am sending you to Pharaoh to tell him you’re bringing my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt.

MOSES
I’m sorry. You were really cutting out a lot there. I couldn’t quite hear everything you said. Maybe it was something on my end. You want me to lead the Jewish people out of Egypt?

BURNING BUSH

That’s basically it, yes.

MOSES

Pardon your servant, Lord. But I have always been ineloquent and challenged in platforms of communication. Clearly, you can tell from this Burning Bush meeting, which I am having so much trouble with. If this bringing of the Israelites out of Egypt might require new platforms of communication, I’m not sure I can do it myself. 

BURNING BUSH

Don’t worry. I will help you and will teach you how to communicate in any new platform that is required during these times. 

MOSES

Pardon your servant, Lord. But. Please employ someone else. New communication platforms are too difficult for me. 

BURNING BUSH

My anger burns! These are just platforms! They can be learned like anything else?! But fine. Your younger brother, Aaron, the Levite. He is younger, more of a native in these platforms. He is already on his way to help you, and you shall use him to. OK, I have to hop off now.

MOSES

Hop off? Are you also a rabbit?

BURNING BUSH

It’s just a phrase. That we use on this platform sometimes. Ask your brother, Aaron.

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Table of contents
    Introduction
  • Jerry Seinfeld's Passover Stand-Up Introduction - The Yada Yada Haggadah
  • Matzah
  • Monty Python Haggadah: The Seder Plate
  • I Flee
  • The Sorting Hat of Passover
  • Let's get this party started
  • Courtesy of Beyonceder
  • The 30-second Seder
  • The 15-second Seder
  • Seder Guests...
  • Hametz - Curb Your Haggadah
    • Songs
  • Take Me Out to the Seder
  • Chametz
  • Our Passover Things (Sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things")
  • The Plot of Wonder Woman Meets Chad Gadya
  • Chag Gad Ya Emoji Style
  • Pharoah Pharoah
  • A Whole New World Passover Parody
  • "Jews" (Juice by Lizzo)
  • Sweet Charoset - parody song
  • Take Me Out of Mitzrayim
    • Kadesh
  • Four Cups of Wine
  • Kadesh: Happy Hour Begins
    • Urchatz
  • 2020 Seder Order
  • Seinfeld Urchatz - The Yada Yada Haggadah
  • Wash Your Hands song
    • Karpas
  • Karpas - The Yada Yada Haggadah
  • Karpas Buzzfeed style quiz
  • Karpas Cocktail
  • Da Dip
    • Tzafun
  • Afikomen Prize
  • Shalom Sesame: Les Matzarables
  • Afikoman
    • Yachatz
  • Aim for the Middle
  • Pharaoh Doesn't Pay
  • Song - Don't sit on the Afikomen
  • Skit - The Real Reason We Had Unleavened Bread
    • Maggid - Beginning
  • Moses, Aaron, and Pharaoh
  • A Few of my Favorite Things
    • -- Four Questions
  • Dr. Seuss' Four Questions
  • Four Questions Asked in Sarcasm
  • Ma Nishtanah
  • Monty Python Haggadah: Four Questions
  • Four Funny Questions
    • -- Four Children
  • The Good Place - 4 Children
  • Emoji Four children
  • Marx Brothers Four Sons
  • SP - Four Sons
  • Pesah Man (Sing to tune of Piano Man)
  • The Four Sons
  • The Four Sisters
  • Reggae Four Children: No Egypt, No Cry!
    • -- Exodus Story
  • Let My People Go (song)
  • Exodus story in LEGO
  • Beyonceder - Tell Him Boy Bye
  • Star Wars / Sci-fi Seder Intro
  • Matzah Humor
  • Story of Moses - a memo from Moses to G-d
  • Beyonceder - He Better Call Becky With the Good Hair
  • Skit - The Original Zoom
  • Passover In Pop Culture
    • -- Ten Plagues
  • Skit - Pharaoh and Moses Go To A Conflict Counselor
  • Dom, Dom
  • Death of the Firstborn
  • Alternate Seinfeld Plagues.
  • 50 Ways to Leave Your Pharaoh
  • Top Ten Rejected Plagues
  • FIRST PLAGUE AS REPORTED ON TWITTER
  • Shalom Auslander - Plauged
  • The Ten Plagues
  • Musical "Let it Go"
  • Hamilton Haggadah - Ten Plagues of Egypt
    • -- Cup #2 & Dayenu
  • Maroon 5/Adam Levine - "Memories (The 2nd Cup Parody Song)"
  • Beyonceder - Let's Get in Formation
  • Dayenu: Behind the Music (A Fictional Origins Story)
  • We're Gonna Sing Dayenu (Sing to tune of We Didn't Start the Fire)
  • dayeinu graph
    • Rachtzah
  • Because we would feel guilty if we didn't
  • Modern Passover
    • Motzi-Matzah
  • An Ode to Bread
  • No Pasta more Matzah
  • Motzi-Matzah
  • DIY Matzoh Baking
  • Flour + Water = Matzah
    • Maror
  • Have Yourself a Piece of Bitter Maror
    • Koreich
  • A Joke of a Sandwich
  • Charoset Ice Cream
    • Shulchan Oreich
  • Dr. Mom BLOWS UP Passover (Food) (With Science)
  • Matzah Ball Soup
    • Bareich
  • When Messiah Comes Lyrics
    • Hallel
  • Les Miselijah
  • Monty Python Haggadah: Elijah's Cup
    • Nirtzah
  • Beyonceder - Next Year in Jerusalem
  • Monty Python Haggadah: Conclusion
  • Monty Python Haggadah: Afikomen
  • Next Year In Jerusalem Meme
    • Conclusion
  • Ben & Jerry's Rejected Passover Flavors
  • Be Our Guest, Elijah
    • Commentary / Readings
  • Monty Python Haggadah
  • Humor and hijinks
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