Parodies

Haggadah Section: Songs

Passover Song Parodies

Eser Makkot (The Ten Plagues)

(Sung to the tune of “Michelle”)

(by Gary Teblum)

Es-ser Makkot

these are plagues of which we must take note

Eser Makkot

Es-ser Makkot

Blood and frogs and lice and cattle disease

Cattle disease

Please free them, please free them, please free them

that's what God tried to say

But Pharoah wouldn’t sway

It was not until that tenth plague came that he’d

understand

Es-ser Makkot

Locusts, hail and darkness o’er the land

Over the land

God needs to, God needs to, God needs to

God needs to make Pharoah see

Oh, what might come to be

Until we jews give him the blues, Pharoah, he’ll be mean

We hate you

Please free them, please free them, please them

You should know by now

You’ll let them go some how

Until you do new plagues will brew so you’ll understand

Es-ser Makkot

Blood and frogs and lice and first borns did die

First borns did die

And you will say the only words we want for you to

understand

Go from my land.

Yesterday

(Sung to the tune of “Yesterday”)

(by Gary Teblum)

Yesterday

We were slaves in Egypt yesterday

Now be thankful that we’re free today

We must remember yesterday

Slavery

Pharoah kept us all in slavery

We were working hard as hard can be

Oh yesterday saw slavery

Why we couldn’t go, I don’t know

He made us stay

Then God set us free

Now we teach ‘bout yesterday

Yesterday

We were brought forth so that we could pray

Now I need to teach the kids to say

We must remember yesterday

Why we couldn’t go, I don’t know

He made us stay

Then God set us free

Now we teach ‘bout yesterday

Yesterday

We were brought forth so that we could pray

At the seder, teach the kids to say

Why we remember yesterday

Hardened Heart

(Sung to the tune of “A Hard Day’s Night”)

(by Gary Teblum)

He had a hardened heart

And he would not let us go

He had a hardened heart

And here’s what you should know

Each time a plague did them in

Moshe thought he would win

But Pharoah’s mind stood tight

You they know slaved all day

Building the pyramids was their thing

And they waited for Moshe to say

I’ve heard from Pharoah as the king

Though every day they may moan

Soon they can put down that stone

And they will feel okay

To our home, that’s where we’re headed tonight

A new home, get there and we’ll be alright

Yeh

He had a hardened heart

And he would not let us go

He had a hardened heart

And here’s what you should know

Each time a plague did them in

Moshe thought he would win

But Pharoah’s mind stood tight

Though every day they may moan

Soon they can put down that stone

And they will feel okay

To our home, that’s where we’re headed tonight

A new home, get there and we’ll be alright

Yeh

He Freed Us

(Sung to the tune of “She Loves You”)

(by Gary Teblum)

He freed us, yeah, yeah, yeah

He freed us, yeah, yeah, yeah

He freed us, yeah, yeah, yeah

You think you’re not so free

Well, it was so yesterday-yi-yay

It’s just like you were there

And he told us what to say-yi-yay

You know he freed us,

and you know that can’t be bad

Oh yes, he freed us,

and you know we should be glad

God said you must act so

As if you were there too

And then God says you’ll know

How we maintain the glue

You know he freed us,

and you know that can’t be bad

Oh yes, he freed us,

and you know we should be glad

Oh, he freed us, yeah, yeah, yeah

He freed us, yeah, yeah, yeah

With a God like that

You know we should be glad

You know he freed the Jews

He brought us from that land

As if you were there too

Grab on to his hand

You know he freed us,

and you know that can’t be bad

Oh yes, he freed us,

and you know we should be glad

Oo, he freed us, yeah, yeah, yeah

He freed us, yeah, yeah, yeah

And with a god like that

You know we should . . . be glad

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeahhhhh.

All My Leaven

(Sung to the tune of “All My Lovin”)

(by Gary Teblum)

Search my house and I’ll find it

Tomorrow I’ll miss it

The feather will help me be true

And a candle as well

Means that then I can sell

And I’ll sell all my leaven to you

I’ll find crumbs in the kitchen

The kinder will pitch in

I’ll try not to leave any clue

And then while its away

I’ll eat matzah each day

‘cause I sold all my leaven to you

All my leaven, I will sell to you

All my leaven, Rabbi, I’ll be true

I’ll find crumbs in the kitchen

The kinder will pitch in

I’ll try not to leave any clue

And then while its away

I’ll eat matzah each day

‘cause I sold all my leaven to you

All my leaven, I will sell to you

All my leaven, Rabbi, I’ll be true

All my leaven, All my leaven

Woo, all my leaven, I will sell to you

THE ORDER OF THE SEDER

(Sung to the tune of "It's A Small World")

(by Gary Teblum)

We wash our hands

And we bless the wine

Greens put in salt water

Dippings so fine

There's so much that we see

Celebrating we're free

It's our Pass-Over seder.

(chorus)

It's our Pass-Over seder

It's our Pass-Over seder

It's our Pass-Over seder

It's our Passover seder.

We break the matzah

Four questions are asked

We tell the story

About our past

The motzi we say

Because that is the way

Of our Pass-Over seder.

(chorus)

It's our Pass-Over seder

It's our Pass-Over seder

It's our Pass-Over seder

It's our Passover seder.

I WILLNOT LET THEM GO

(Sung to the tune of "Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho")

(by Gary Teblum)

Oh no, Oh no

I will not let them go

I will not let the Jews go free

Oh no, Oh no, Oh no.

Oh No, Oh no.

I will not let them go

Your people will not leave this land

Oh no, Oh no.

Our Passover Things

(Sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music)

Cleaning and cooking and so many dishes

Out with the hametz, no pasta, no knishes

Fish that's gefillted, horseradish that stings

These are a few of our Passover things.

Matzah and karpas and chopped up haroset

Shankbones and kiddish and yiddish neuroses

Tante who kvetches and uncle who sings

These are a few of our Passover things.

Motzi and maror and trouble with Pharoahs

Famines and locusts and slaves with wheelbarrows

Matzah balls floating and eggshell that clings

These are a few of our Passover things.

When the plagues strike

When the lice bite

When we're feeling sad

We simply remember our Passover things

And then we don't feel so bad.

There's No Seder Like our Seder

(Sung to the tune of "There's no Business like Show Business")

There's no seder like our seder,

There's no seder I know.

Everything about it is halachic

Nothing that the Torah won't allow.

Listen how we read the whole Haggadah

It's all in Hebrew

'Cause we know how.

There's no Seder like our seder,

We tell a tale that is swell:

Moses took the people out into the heat

They baked the matzoh

While on their feet

Now isn't that a story

That just can't be beat?

Let's go on with the show!

Take Us Out of Egypt

(Sung to the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game")

Take us out of Egypt

Free us from slavery

Bake us some matzoh in a haste

Don't worry 'bout flavor--

Give no thought to taste.

Oh it's rush, rush, rush, to the Red Sea

If we don't cross it's a shame

For it's ten plagues,

Down and you're out

At the pesach history game.

Afikomen

(Sung to the tune of "Oklahoma")

Aaaaa.......fikomen! what a very special Pesach treat.

A dessert we share, we can't compare, So much joy from just a hunk of wheat!

Thaaaaaaa........t is why we hide it early on from everyone A custom that we get, from

Kosher chefs, to convince us eating Matzah's fun. On a shelf or hidden away Floor or

sofa, 'neath Uncle Sid's toupee. It's too much work, to search for your dessert Yes, I'm

looking for Afikomen Afikomen, oy, vey, gevalt.....let's check the couch!!AFIKOMEN!!!

The Ballad of Mo Amramson

(Sung to the tune of "The Ballad of Jed Clampett")

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Mo,

His people they were slaves to the evil Pharoah,

Until one day he was lookin' at a bush,

And he heard the voice of G-d, though he wasn't a lush---

The LORD, that is,

I AM,

The Big G.

Next thing you know, Mo's talkin' to Pharoah,

Mo says, "G-d said you gotta let my people go!"

But the king says, "No, they always will be slaves to me!"

So G-d sent down ten big plagues on Pharoah's whole country---

Blood 'n frogs, that is,

Pestilence,

Special effects.

When the first borns died, Pharoah sent the Jews away,

They ran and ate some matza on that very happy day,

So now we have our Seder to commemorate that feat---

We drink some wine and talk a lot, we sing and also eat!

Matza, that is,

Maror too.

And good food.

Y'all come back now, y'hear!

Don't Sit on the Afikomen

(Sung to the tune of "Glory, Glory, Halleluyah")

My Dad at every Seder breaks a Matza piece in two

And hides the Afikomen half-A game for me and you

Find it, hold it ransom for the Seder isn't through

'till the Afikomen's gone.

Chorus:

Don't sit on the Afikomen.

Don't sit on the Afikomen.

Don't sit on the Afikomen.

Or the Meal will last all night

One year Daddy hid it 'neath a pillow on a chair

But just as I raced over, my Aunt Sophie sat down there

She threw herself upon it-Awful crunching filled the air

And crumbs flew all around

Chorus

There were matza crumbs all over-Oh, it was a messy sight

We swept up all the pieces though it took us half the night

So, if you want your seder ending sooner than dawn's light,

Don't sit on the Afiko-o-men

Chorus

Elijah

(Sung to the tune of "Maria")

Elijah!

I just saw the prophet Elijah.

And suddenly that name

Will never sound the same to me.

Elijah!

He came to our seder

Elijah!

He had his cup of wine,

But could not stay to dine

This year--

Elijah!

For your message all Jews are waiting:

That the time's come for peace

and not hating--

Elijah--

Next year we'll be waiting.

Elijah!

Gilligan's Exodus

(Sung to the theme from "Gilligan's Island")

Recline right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip.

that started many years ago in old, ancient Egypt.

The Jews were forced to work as slaves, they suffered that ordeal.

We celebrated their Exodus with a three hour meal, a three hour meal!

The Pharoah was an evil dude, his wrath would not replent

If not for the effort of the fearless jews.....we'd all be keeping Lent(2x)

They landed in the desert after parting the Red Sea

With Moses, and Aaron too, each Israelite and his wife

A movie star, the Professor and Miriam.........here on Passover night!!

I've Been Cooking for this Seder

(Sung to the tune of "I've Been Working on the Railroad")

I've been cooking for this seder

Erev Pesach day

Making matzah balls and kugel

So we'll feast as well as pray

Can't you smell the pareve sponge cake

It rises up so little without yeast

Can't you hear our voices singing

At this joyous Pesach feast

Mama, you can cook

Mama, you can cook

Milchidik and fleishidik and pareve, too

Mama, you can stew

Mama, you can stew

Your seder food's delicious and we thank you

Les Miselijah

(Sung to the tune of "Do you hear the people Sing" from Les Miserables)

Do you hear the doorbell ring,

And it's a little after ten?

It can only be Elijah

Come to take a sip again.

He is feeling pretty fine

But in his head a screw is loose.

So perhaps instead of wine

We should only give him juice

Pesach Macarena

(Sung to the tune of "Macarena")

Take coconut, eggs, and lots of grease,

Cook 'em in the oven for your Pesach feast.

They won't rise 'cause they ain't got yeast.

Hey, macaroons!

Mix matzah meal with eggs for a goop

Form into balls and drop in your soup

So heavy on your spoon it will make it droop

Hey, kneidlach!

Through the woods a rabbi took a hike

Found a lake at the edge of a dike

For her favorite dish caught some carp and pike

Hey, gefilte fish!

What do you need for your seder plate?

What do you eat before it's too late?

What do you take to anti-constipate?

Hey, stewed prunes!

What do we crave on the very last night

Sprinkled with cheese for a dinner that's light

Al dente noodles that we long to bite

Hey, macaroni!

Pharoah's Nile

(Sung to the theme from "Gilligan's Island")

Just lean right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip

That started back in ancient times, while under Pharoah's whip.

Well Moses was a pious man, G-d made him brave and sure,

Though Pharoah was a mighty man, his heart was not pure,

his heart was not pure.

Old Pharoah started getting tough, the Jews were harshly bossed.

If not for the courage of the fearless few, our people would be lost,

our people would be lost.

They cried to G-d, please rescue us, conditions here are vile.

Send Moses, and Aaron, too, to save our children and wives.

We'll leave this land at G-d's behest, here on Pharoah's Nile.

So G-d said Moses take you staff and with your brother go.

To Pharoah you will plead your case, to let my people go.

Well Moses, he sure did his best, but Pharoah was not moved,

'Til G-d sent down ten dreadful plagues, and His power was proved,

His power was proved.

The frogs, the lice, and even boils, could not make Pharoah bend

'Til slaying of the first born males, threatened Pharoah's life to end,

threatened Pharoah's life to end.

The Jews escaped miraculously, when G-d helped them to flee.

Egyptian armies followed them, but drowned in the deep Red Sea.

So this is a tale of our ancestors, they wandered a long, long time.

They had to make the best of things, it was an uphill climb.

So join us here each year my friends, it's sure to be worthwhile,

Retelling how the Jews escaped, far from Pharoah's Nile.

Take Me Out to the Seder

(Sung to the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame")

Take me out to the Seder

Take me out to the crowd

Feed me some matzah and kosher wine

We'll wine and dine and we'll have a good time

For we'll root for Moshe Rabbeinu

And our crossing through the Reed Sea

For it's one, two, ...four cups of wine

We rejoice that we are free!

Sung to: On Top of Old Smokey

(by Albert Resnick)

Oh near to mt. Sinai

And close by the sea

We'll build us a nation

That's our destiny

With bricks and with mortar

We'll each build a home

Where love and affection

Cannot ever roam

Men only: yes our women will adore us!

Women only: we'll praise you to the skies

Men only: they'll all melt before us!

Women only: when we look in your eyes

All together now: this matza will keep us

From going insane

When we stack our gefilta

Fish up with chrain

With latkes and carpus

Kneidels all glatt

Keep stuffing yourself and

You end up with a pot

Leaving on a Desert Plane

(Sung to the tune of "Leaving on a Jet Plane")

All our bags are packed we're ready to go

We're standing here outside our doors

We dare not wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin' this early morn'

Moses is waiting, he's blowing his horn

We're planning our escape so we won't die

You'll miss me, as you will see

You've been dealt a harsh decree

You held us like you'd never let us go

We're leaving from this great strain

We pray we won't be back again

God knows, can't wait to go.

There's so many times you've let us down

Your many crimes have plagued our town

I tell you now they were all mean things

Every pace I go, you'll shrink from view,

Every song I sing will be 'gainst you

I won't be back to wear your ball and chain

You'll miss me, as you will see

You've been dealt a harsh decree

You held us like you'd never let us go

We're leaving through a wet plain

We hope we won't be back again

God knows, can't wait to go.

Now the time has come to leave you

One more time, let me diss you

Close your eyes, we'll be on our way

Dream about the days to come

When you'll be left here all alone

About the time when I won't have to say

You'll miss me, as you will see

You've been dealt a harsh decree

You held us like you'd never let us go

We're leaving all our bread grain

We know we won't be back again

God knows, can't wait to go.

Mostly Matza

(Sung to W.A. Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik)

Notes: Do not repeat the music, as in the original Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.

Punctuation is provided only to help sing phrases and is not gramatically correct.

Recommended starting note is E and not G as in the original music.

Recommend writing to me for the written music.

Moses followed all of G-d's commands, helped the Jews escape from

Pharaoh's hands. Egypt was where the Jews all lived, and happy with

their lives, until the Pharaoh came, and made them slaves; he worked

them night and day, and held them all at bay, they had to get away.

Moses, saw a bush, burning bright, G-d appeared, told him he must

save the Jews. "Moses, you must go to Egypt speak to Pharaoh tell

him I am not amused. Yes you must go, and tell him tell him he must

let the Hebrews go yes he must let my people go. Their pleas I can't

ignore, they will be slaves no more. You tell Pharaoh he will be

punished if he doesn't listen and won't let my people go."

Moses went to Egypt land, went to see old Pharaoh. Threatened him on

G-d's behalf. Instead it, just made Pharaoh laugh. He said "I will

not free them, they are my slaves forever. So go back where you came

from, give up on your endeavor. I am strong. You are weak, so turn

around go on home and stay there 'cause I never will give in."

So Moses said to Pharaoh, "I have my G-d behind me. You will release

my people, or you'll be very sorry. Plagues will come, horrid

plagues so be aware what'll happen to you if you don't release the

Jews. I've warned you for the very last time the plagues will come

and G-d won't be kind as you will soon find." Pharaoh said "I have

not changed my mind."

This is where the tale gets really good. First, God changed the

water into blood* * rhyme with "good" :)

"A trick," said his magicians, endorsed Pharaoh's position. But Pharaoh

hadn't reckoned, that God would send a second. Frogs hopped around

the city, the picture wasn't pretty. The people were surrounded, the

croaking noise resounded. Well Pharaoh still resisted, what Moses

had insisted. A third plague was enlisted, and so the lice persisted.

It seemed as if the Jews could never leave, Pharaoh's land. It seemed,

as if they'd never leave, but, they knew, they'd just have to believe.

All of, a sudden it looked bleak, with wild beasts ev'rywhere, the

people ran and shrieked. The cattle all died where they had been

grazing and the boils were torture they could not endure. People,

were in pain, they agreed, that the Jews, should be free from

slavery. Pharaoh, would not listen to them Moses said a seventh

plague had been decreed. The hail came down, down from the sky in

torrents, hail fell down so hard. And such was Pharaoh's fate, God

sent plague number eight the swarms of locusts filled the sky to

terrify. Soon the sun's rays were suppressed. Egypt was in

darkness. Then the tenth plague was begun, and Pharaoh, at last was,

undone.

"Put lamb's blood on your doorposts," the Jews were all instructed.

Egyptians did not know this, an awful plague erupted. Death appeared,

at their door and ev'ry first-born in Egypt died including Pharaoh's

fav'rite child. The Jews all followed Moses, they made a swift

departure. But Pharaoh's armies followed, intending to recapture.

Just ahead, was the sea so Moses stretched out his hand to part it

and they walked through carefully. The armies followed foolishly,

the waters closed the soldiers were drowned the Jews were then free.

Now, we celebrate our freedom ev'ry Passover and this, is why we dine

on mostly matza, pasta we do not, ingest. Consuming mostly matza

which the rabbis blessed. We tell this story all about the Hebrews'

quest, at, this matza fest.

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